This Ain't a Love Song//Nikki Sixx

Chapter 18: Crash and Burn

"Melody, why don't you two just make up? You both did things that weren't too good, but you have to be there for each other," Vince says, "You guys just lost your baby, that's hard for both of you."

"But, Nikki hates me now, and if he doesn't, he will," I sigh, looking out the window of their tour bus.

Vince stayed back with me because I was having a panic attack, so we're the only two on the tour bus right now. I'm the closest with him because of his wife, Mick is a close second, but Tommy is too good of friends with Nikki to ever be friends with me while we aren't together. Or that's at least what I think.

"I just want to be alone right now, I need to process things the way that I want to, that's with crying and doing drugs."

He sighs, sitting next to me and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "That won't take away the pain... I care about you too much to watch you self-destruct like this, Melody. You really do mean a lot to me and Beth."

"I know that, Vince, but I loved Nikki. I trusted him after I vowed to never trust anyone ever again, and he hurt me just as I thought he would. He brings up cheating right after I have to give birth to our stillborn daughter, how fucking sick is that?" He sits for a minute, looking at the floor, I can tell that he's thinking.

"You almost cheated too, and you said it was because he was gone, he's hurt too. I know that he loves you, he's just an insecure prick, Melody. I know that he loves you though, everyone does."

I know that he loves me, I still fucking love him, but he hurt me so bad and it doesn't seem to even matter to him. Maybe he felt that talking about it was good timing, when in reality, it was horrible timing. I feel for him, being drugged, forced to have sex with another woman... I shouldn't be mad at him. I know he didn't cheat, I know it wasn't intentional.

I'm not even mad over that, I'm just... I'm hurt. I'm so hurt that after going through a miscarriage, hearing about him being drugged, and showing full honesty, he just says that we should break up. The timing of it. It hurts. At least their manager got fired, and Nikki did a good deal of damage on him, but he never really said anything about it. I don't know, he won't even look at me or talk to me.

It's been three days since it happened and I've had to sleep in the tour bus while they get the hotel since we aren't together anymore. I know he's probably over me already after I told him to leave me alone at the hospital when he told me he loves me. I'm just broken up over it all, I didn't want to break up; I just didn't know what to do.

"It'll be okay, Mel, you know that I'll take up for you always. You were, and still are, the best thing to happen to Nikki." He says.

I shrug, "Maybe... I don't really know that I was. I can't talk to him right now though, maybe he'll come around."

"One of you will have to come around eventually; you can't stay upset forever. He may be a little less willing than you though, just because he's him."

Tommy comes up on the bus looking for something, so I stop talking to Vince. I'm scared he'll tell Nikki if I say anything.

"What are you two up to?" He asks after a minute, sitting down next to me.

He's holding the pack of cigarettes I assume he came in here to find.

"Just sitting and talking." Vince shrugs.

"About what, Nikki? If I can put in my 2 cents-"

Vince cuts him off, "Tom, we don't need anyone else muddying up the situation, Melody needs to have her own opinions about it."

"I'm not trying to change her opinion but, Melody, I don't hate you and Nikki doesn't hate you either. I just want to put that out there since you act like I've murdered someone when I'm around. You both are just being hypocrites. Nikki has fucked up problems, and you're just young. I did stupid shit when I was 18, and I still do now that I'm 21. You two were going to have a kid together, and that means a lot, so I personally think you should talk to him about it all."