This Ain't a Love Song//Nikki Sixx

Chapter 48: Love Bites

~Melody~

I wake up with a killer headache and sensitive eyes, I feel like I haven't slept at all even though it's daylight out right now. I don't remember going to sleep last night, all I remember is playing card games with Joe, then we... we fucked. Oh shit. I'm naked, I'm in bed with Joe, and we had sex! This is exactly why Nikki didn't want me coming here, at least by myself anyway. I'm such a shitty girlfriend, I can't believe that I slept with Joe again, I already feel super guilty for it because of Nikki... even though I told him we technically still aren't together at the moment. I'm so fucking selfish, he would hate me if he knew, we would be done. But I don't want to lose Joe either, and last night was so amazing. We both were shit faced, but he is so much fun and he makes me happy, and he is great in bed. I feel like we have so much chemistry, I don't want to give it up, but I don't want to hurt Nikki either. Nikki doesn't have to know that anything happened, and I don't have to feel bad since we are still kind of on a break. Why am I trying to reason this with myself? I'm trying to reason with myself to feel better about this, of course that's why anyone would try to normalize cheating on their fiancé. I try to sneak out of bed but Joe's arm wraps around me, pulling me to him. "Good morning." He mumbles in my hair. "Good morning." I say back. "It's nice waking up with you here, last night was amazing." Guilt washes over me, what do I say to that? Do I tell him that it was amazing or do I just kind of nod in agreement? "Are you okay?" He asks. "Y-yeah, I'm fine." I'm so glad that he can't see my face right now. He props himself up on one elbow and turns me onto my back, so he can see me, I assume. "Mel, I want you to tell the truth, I don't want you to feel like you have to lie to me. I won't be upset with you no matter what you say." "Nikki and I are on a break right now, but I still feel guilty that you and I slept together. Is that weird or wrong? Last night was... wow and I truly mean that, but I just feel bad." I frown. "You didn't have to do anything with me if you didn't want to, I don't want you to feel bad. You deserve to feel something good, especially after how he has been treating you... I wouldn't feel guilty." I really shouldn't feel guilty, I know he has cheated on me, and he has probably been fucking other girls while I've been gone. I just want us to go back to normal, I'm tired of cheating and lying and going on breaks, I want us to be normal and happy again. I feel like that's too much to ask, that's too easy for us for some reason. "I'm sorry if that was rude, I just like you, I care about you a lot. I know that we haven't been around each other long and we don't really know each other, but I like you. I feel a connection with you, even if our relationship has been based around sex." "I like you too... I love Nikki though even through every bad thing he has done to me. We have been together for almost two years, I was even pregnant with his baby until I had a miscarriage caused by someone else. We have been through so much together, and I know that we aren't perfect, we really need to work on ourselves and our relationship too. This isn't fair to you, I'm so sorry, Joe, I didn't mean to lead you on or hurt you. I really hope that this doesn't make things awkward because you are an amazing person, I have strong feelings for you, and I'm so happy that you are in my life. This just isn't settling well with me right now... I wish things were different, but they aren't." I frown. "It's okay, love, you do whatever is best for you, I will always support that. Both of us being happy is the goal, but your happiness is more important to me, you being happy will make me happy." "Thank you for being so understanding." I wipe away a tear that threatens to spill down my cheek. I feel so pathetic for crying right now, why can't I just not cry all the time? "Hey, don't cry, I'm not upset with you." "I know, I'm just glad that you're being so understanding." "You're too cute, come here." He pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me. I get cold chills from the contrast of his warm body in the cold air that surrounds us. I quickly calm down, relaxing in his arms as he hums an unfamiliar tune, I don't think I've heard that song before. "What are you humming?" "Just a song idea for the new album, I really like it." "What is it?" I smile. "It's a secret, not really, it's just more so not completely figured out yet. We had thought about an album based around animal instinct since we all are animals, we are just civilized ones. We haven't been able to think about any new ideas since Rick has been in the hospital, the label was convinced that he wouldn't come back and that we would have to split up. That's not happening though, so we have to try and pick up where we left off, I guess." I can hear the disappointment in his voice, so I turn around to face him, maybe talking face to face would make him feel better. "That sounds like an awesome idea and I'm sure that it will work out. It's great of you guys to give Rick some space and time to think about things, the label should respect that. You'll figure it all out and make another amazing album, I know it." I smile. "You really think we will?" "Yes, I know it, because you guys are too determined and hard working to not do that. There is no other way, it's not going to be an easy road, but you will get where you want to go." Suddenly, he kisses me feverishly and I don't know what to do. I want to kiss him, but I also don't... or I feel like I shouldn't. Fuck it for just one more time.