Little Dove (Gene x Reader) | Phoenix Drop High

Chapter 19

Just a warning for everyone, this chapter mentions depression and having dark thoughts so if you're not comfortable reading about it, I suggest skipping this chapter.

(To be honest, I think it pertains to pretty much the whole book so I updated the description to warn everyone but just to be sure, I wanted to warn everyone before this chapter!)

Chapter 19 - Tears

Heavy eyes were something that I was used to. They tore me down emotionally and physically, making me not only sick to my stomach but also extremely heartbroken. They itched uncontrollably, constantly reminding me of the torture that I had been through. It made me want to cry out and latch onto anyone willing to pull me out of the hole that I created for myself. But, of course, it didn't want that. It made me feel ashamed of what I was going through, convincing me that if I did reach out to anyone that they would leave me, ignore me, hurt me.

That's why I was so confused.

Why was Gene still here? Why was he holding my hand? Why was he whispering such soothing things to me?

I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve him.

Despite the dark thoughts working through my head, I didn't resist the comfort that he provided me with. By the time that I ran out of tears, I was sat between Gene's legs, being cradled by the arms he had around me. I felt like a baby. I was so embarrassed by how I acted in front of him, not able to keep my composure enough to get through the night.

I had calmed down significantly, only letting out tiny sniffles and occasional hiccups as he rubbed my back. My face, however, was suffering from my fit of endless tears: sticky, swelling, and bright red.

I didn't want to lift my hands from my eyes, unsure if it was because of embarrassment or because I liked the feeling of his arms surrounding me. Regardless, Gene didn't seem to care, taking a hold of my forearms with each of his hands and rubbing them soothingly as if to coax them from their tense position on my face. Eventually, I let my hands rest on my thighs, keeping my head down to avoid eye contact. Even though I was right in front of him, practically being cradled by his arms, I felt like if I made eye contact with him, everything would become more real and I would be mortified by my behavior in front of him.

However, Gene didn't force me to meet his gaze, taking time to rub my forearm soothingly while moving his other hand to continue rubbing my back, lessening the hiccups I seemed to let out.

"You know what I'm going to ask."

Obviously! That's what started this mess in the first place. Why was I so defensive? Why did I just bawl crying in front of you? I know the answer, but I didn't want to say it. It brought on nightmares like every other year and I thought that if I didn't say anything about it, trying to keep my mind as far away as possible, that I would finally be able to avoid the situation. Just like my mother.

"Yeah," I sighed, feeling out of breath. Gene continued to try and soothe my nerves, dragging his hand down my forearm to entangle my fingers with his, dragging his thumb in circles on the back of my hand, just like he did at the pond. "Today is my brother's birthday."

Gene's movement stopped, his body tensing slightly.

"I didn't want to be alone, especially because this is the time when everything starts."

Gene was quiet for a bit before resuming his earlier actions, attempting to offer me some comfort. "Everything?"

"The thoughts," I clarified, "Next week is when it happened." Gene brought his hand up from my back, starting to mess with my hair. He nodded in response to say that he was listening. "I- Tonight is usually the worst."

Gene hums, massaging the back of my head lazily, the warmness of his hand soothing me. "Tell me about him," He whispers, "Your brother."

I smiled lightly at the memories that popped into my head. "He was the best brother that I could have ever asked for. He was supportive of everything I did, encouraging me to take leaps of faith when I would doubt myself. But he also made sure that I didn't get involved in anything that I wasn't supposed to, claiming that he didn't want me to be in that loophole."

I rested my head on his shoulder, eyes closing from the pleasurable shivers traveling down my spine. Where did Gene learn to comfort someone like this?

"We did just about everything together. I remember when we were kids we would split the candy we got from trick or treating evenly so the other wouldn't feel bad. We rarely argued and if we did, it didn't last long. It wasn't until he started to get involved in things that he started to drift away." I clutched onto his hand tightly, enveloping it in both of mine. "It wasn't his fault, though. After he found out what his friends were involved in, he left them and looked for other friends."

I paused for a bit, reminding myself to stop looking at the negative side of things. "He eventually came back and we were closer than ever before, spending nights watching movies or playing board games. I remember on his birthday that year I got with his friends, his new friends, and we made this whole surprise birthday party for him. My parents were in on it too and decided to take him out for lunch that day so that we could set up the house. When he got back that day, he was probably the happiest I've ever seen him." I paused, taking a deep breath, "It sucks that the world decided to take him away when he was finally happy."

"He loves you," Gene whispered against my hair, the hand that was in my hair now wrapped around my waist.

"But-"

"You're his sibling. He loves you unconditionally, even after death."

My heart swelled from his words, thinking about my brother wherever he might be, still looking over me, guiding me in the right direction, even if I couldn't see him. I realized that if I died, I would want the same for Gene: to know that he has someone who loves him unconditionally, even after death. I will always love him, always be there for him, even if we started to drift away from each other. I will never forget how he makes me feel: loved and wanted.

"I love you," I whispered, digging my head further into his shoulder. Even if I don't love him the same way I love my brother, I would be there for him, I would do anything for him. I would run to the moon and back, even if I hate cardio.

I could feel his heart pounding in his chest, accelerating every time that I squeezed his hand or moved my head further into him. He lowered his head to mine, delivering a small kiss to my forehead before whispering back.

"I love you too, Little Dove."