strengthened by force

35.) depression

your hands around my ankles,
and breath on my neck.
why must you constantly trail after me
wherever i go?...

you wrap your fingers around my throat
and trap the words i know i must say,
but cannot.

you've put a muzzle on me
and chains around my wrists.
you've made me scared to
be open to other people about you,
to trust anyone with the words
in my head.

i can't go anywhere without seeing every
possible thing going wrong.
most days is a war to get out of bed
and not just sleep in again.

and yet...

you come in the 'guise of a friend.
someone to go to when i can't breathe
and i can't see beyond the current moment.

someone whose shoulder i can cry on
and can comfort me while i'm in the midst
of my turmoil.

while some have felt you,
you don't stay with them.
and with others,
you cling to them,
though they want you gone.