The Words I've Never Said

Paint. Destroy. Repair. Repeat.

Love is like a wall fading into oblivion.
There's always a spot that needs to be painted over.
Sure I survive a few lacerations and holes.
But I always get stained and broken.
Stains that can't be painted over.
The cynical actions done to me within my heart that are still under construction.
The only thing that can be done is to fill the holes with more memories.
Blanketing the imperfections of the wall.
Pretending that the holes don't exist.
Hoping that by chance, the nightmares would fade into nonexistence.
See, I've been standing strong by myself for a long time.
Fighting for my sanity.
My mind just replaying what my heart can't delete
My wall is full of faded spots, paint peeling off, and gaping holes.
Tarnished.
Cracking.
My love isn't enough and that demolished my wall.
Being mislead and toyed with.
Being social engineered.
Used.
Another coat of paint will be added soon.
Adding more cement to the barely standing wall.
I know soon you'll just erase me.
Replacing me with another person you'll end up destroying.
My heart is floating away from you.
And you keep denying my feelings.
My thoughts.
My love.
Just gunning them down and smirking over them with a mischievous grin.
Watching them bleed out slowly.
Their souls exiting into the whispy clouds above.
Defenseless.
Being fondled by another careless soul.
Though the wall stands strong for now, sooner or later that wall will give in.
And when it does, it'll be a huge relief.
Not having to repaint the destroyed wall ever again.
5/15/19