The Words I've Never Said

When Tears Fall

I said I loved you and what was your reply?
We've just met, but you don't know how I feel inside.
I've cried for you too many times for a love that may not even last.
A girl I just met.
I poured my heart into her hands.
She just looked at the warm, red liquid and poured it onto the grey, cracked concrete.
I stared for a minute and thought, "this kind of resembles my Heart".
Rugged, cracked, and needed to be repaired.
Apparently my heart never mattered to her anyway.
The first time I cried I really felt silly.
But all the thoughts kept swirling around my head like a tornado.
I knew I was just a rebound.
Someone to lean on if she got rejected to be taken back by her ex.
I cried for hours upon hours but eventually I had to get myself together.
The puddle of tears collecting in one area where I rest my head.
The second time I cried I knew my feelings were real.
I told her my true feelings.
The words I thought I'd never say again.
I love you.
She looked at the message and took a while to reply.
All she said was, "are you sure, we just met."
My feelings crushed, I replied, "yeah you're right, silly me."
While inside I feel the tears flaring up inside of me like a thunderstorm arising in the distant horizon.
My eyes got droopy and my head began to ache.
Yet again, my feelings being smushed like a bug on a windshield.
I just want to curl into a ball and cry the pain away.
My body falling into a pit of depression and unanswered questions.
Again my pillow soaked from the warm, salty tears that flow from my cheeks.
This pillow has seen it all.
Been through all the bruises and scars.
All of my hardships and hopeless romanticism.
It feels like someone is opening my chest and tearing my heart out.
When the tears fall, at least some of the agonizing pain subsides.
But it will never end...
4/17/19