[fourty five]

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- a month later

I apply my lipstick, fix my hair and take one final look in the mirror before coming out to Ethan, Grayson and Sean in the living room. They're on the couch watching Madagascar, Sean's favourite movie, before their attention turns to me.

"Sean where's your manners? Tell your mother she looks beautiful" Grayson whispers.

"You look beautiful mommy!" Sean shouts excitedly before running over to hug me.

"Thank you darling" I smile, lifting him up into my arms, "are you going to be good for your uncle?" I ask and he nods before high fiving me.

"Are you ready to go?" Grayson asks getting off the couch.

Damn. I forgot how good this man looks in a suit.

"Yeah but are you sure you don't want Ethan to go with you?" I ask him for probably the 100th time, "I'll stay with Sean" I assure him.

We're supposed to be going to a movie premiere, but I don't want to leave Sean.

I trust Ethan completely to babysit him, but I get really bad anxiety leaving Sean. I feel like I'm missing a part of me without him, he's literally my shadow.

"When was the last time you were out without Sean?" Grayson asks and I stay silent because it was more than likely before I was pregnant with him, "exactly. You're coming" he states.

"E if you have any problems, at all, call me and I'll come straight home" I tell him as he takes Sean into his arms.

"We're going to be fine" he assures me, "enjoy your night" he smiles.

"We will" Grayson smirks before taking my hand, "be good for Ethan" Grayson reminds Sean before kissing his head, "I love you buddy"

"I love you" I whisper to Sean while kissing his cheek before Grayson and I leave.

"He doesn't even seem bothered that we left, should I be concerned?" I ask Grayson as we're getting into his car.

"Stop worrying, he's fine" he laughs, "he knows Ethan will let him stay up a few minutes past his bedtime, he's just excited"

"Everyone's going to think we're back together" I change the subject, trying to get Sean off my mind.

"Let them" he shrugs, "we know where we stand, that's all that matters" he mutters.

He gets frustrated talking about our relationship. We're not back together but he tried to kiss me last week, I stopped him and things have been awkward, relationship wise, since then.

"People will pay closer attention to us if they think we're together and they could find out about Sean" I remind him.

"I promised to keep him a secret for as long as I possibly could but everyone finding out we have a son is inevitable" he states, "we're both in the public eye Clo, there's only so much we can do"

"When I was in New York it wasn't a problem keeping him a secret" I mumble.

"So you want to move back to New York?" he scoffs, "go, take Sean away from me again" he mutters sarcastically.

"That was too far" I warn him, "I'm doing everything I can to make this work for you, I'm trying so hard to make up for lost time"

"I'm sorry, I don't want to fight with you" he sighs, "besides you, he's all that matters to me. I get scared when you talk about New York, because I'm afraid I'll lose the both of you again" he admits.

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