I'll Be Waiting •On hold•

Chapter 22: "Everything is over."

Brian's eyes widen in shock and I can see the storm forming in eyes.

    I can't decipher what is going on in his mind. His face just seems emotionless. Like what I just said ripped him apart.

   "Tell me you're joking," He says impassively, but there is still a hint of hope in his voice. He gazes straight into my eyes, his eyes searching for the truth in them.

This moment I want to tell him that I was joking. That what I said earlier is nothing but a lie and that I still love him but I can't hide the truth any longer. The truth is that I don't love Brian anymore. My heart now belongs to another person.

The sooner he knows the bitter truth, the better for him and I.  We can't both be living with this lie. I made a mistake not telling him when he came back. And I swear, I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that mistake.

   I played with 2 lives and emotions, Brian and Kyle's own. I was blinded by the promises I made to Brian. I was scared of hurting him but in that process I end up hurting Kyle.

And now, I'm eventually going to do the same to Brian. I don't deserve to be loved by anyone honestly. I'm a terrible human being. I hurt Kyle who has done nothing but cared and loved me unconditionally and I'm going to be doing the same thing to Brian as well.

I swallow the lump formed in my throat. Tearing my gaze away from him, I speak slowly, "Brian, after you left me, I was so broken. I was literally like a living corpse. Each day, I kept hoping you would come back to me.  After I managed to finish highschool without you, I decided to take a year break before going to college--"

  "Just tell me the DAMN TRUTH!" He growls.

It feels like my heart wants to jump out of my chest in fear this moment. I know Brian too well to be scared of him when he is angry.

When he is angry he looses control. He doesn't get angry easily but when he does, it's terrible. Brian could be an angel but when he gets angry, he becomes the devil himself.

I start to fidget and hot tears are starting to well in my eyes. I shift my gaze to meet Brian's own. His eyes are unbelievably dark and his jaw are clenched.

"Can you please sit down first, let me explain things to you." I try to reason out.
   "Kendall!" Brian warns, taking a step closer to me.
Each step he takes closer to me, I move another step backwards. I keep on doing that until my back hit the wall.
I am trapped in between the wall and him. There is no way I can get out of this situation. He is literally inches apart from where I am.

Abruptly, he grip my arms tightly, hurting me badly.
  "Ouch," I groan.
His grips on arms becomes tighter. Tears are starting to stream down my eyes.
  "Let go of me Brian," I cry.

He ignores me.His crystal green eyes holds so much darkness and danger in them, compelling me to speak.

"I- I don't lo-love you," I stutter.

  Brian face is starting to appear pale red. He is literally fuming.
He grips my arms tighter, this time his finger nails digging into my skin.

   "Oww," I cry, "You're hurting me Brian."

Along with the tears streaming down my eyes, I'm also sweating profusely.

Suddenly, he releases his tight grip on me and backs away from me.

I rub my arms to help reduce the pain I am feeling on them.
   "This is nothing but just a bad dream," He says to himself. "This is not true."

   He pulls his hair frustratingly.
"No, Noo," He repeats like a mantra. "NOOO!!!" He screams angrily, pushing all the things on the dressing table to the ground.