It's My Fault

Chapter 2

The rest of the day went smoothly. I didn't see Grace again and I had told Rose the full story of what had happened.  At the moment we were heading to my house so I could drop off my stuff. Rose was going to jog to her house which was 4 houses down from mine. We were going to go to our special spot before going to visit my mom. Unlocking the door I went inside and I could hear my dad running around down the hall getting ready to go to the restaurant. "Hey dad!" I started walking to my room and could hear a faint, "Hey honey!" I smiled and shook my head. Dropping my bag onto my bed I walked back out and ran into my dad. "Oh hey honey I gotta go. You heading out again?" I nodded, "Yeah I am going to visit mom." His face dropped slightly at the mention of her but quickly covered it. He kissed the top of my head hugged me, "Say hello to her for me will you?" I nodded and he hugged me again running out the front door. I followed him out and watched him drive away. Locking the door I made my way to Rose's house and from what I could see Rose was waiting for me on the sidewalk. She smiled and waved and I waved back easily falling into stride and I asked her, "Ro, do you remember how we found our special spot?" I wanted to see if she would remember all that time ago. I heard her chuckle and say, "Of course I do. It was 8th grade and we were walking around the neighborhood when we turned a corner and even though it didn't look safe we kept going. Then we came across this." She swiped her hand across the covering of low branches and showed our special spot. It was a small area but ours nonetheless with a small pond in the middle surrounded by rocks. The trees surrounded the area to block out anyone from seeing this place. It was always so peaceful, you could hear the birds chirping and see a butterfly fly by.

I took a deep breath and walked over to the rock we usually sat on. Sitting down first on the left Rose took the right, I swung my legs and looked down into the water.  Rose was the one who broke the silence, "Are you sure you're ready to see her?" I stopped swinging my legs and took a deep breath, "I don't think I'll ever be ready. But I need to." She nodded looked down into the water, "Are you ready or do you want to stay here for a bit longer?" I grabbed a stick and started running it through the water, "Let's go." We both got up and took the shortcut on the other side of the pond and brush. We came out to the back of the cemetery and made our way to my mom's stone.  Rose looped an arm through mine while we walked.  I passed a couple people who gave me sad smiles and some that wouldn't look up.  My mom was in the corner of the row and her stone was decorated with flowers from me.  When we got closer my chest felt heavy of regret.  Rose seemed to sense it and reassured me that she was happy for the visit.  I sat down in front of her stone while Rose stayed standing next to me.  "Hey mom it's been a while.  Dad says hi.  He still gets upset, I don't think he's strong enough to face you just yet.  I knew I wasn't either but I knew I needed to come."  I looked up at Rose who was giving me a sad smile.  I gave her a weak one in return and looked back at my mom's stone.  "I miss you mom I wish you were here.  I know you are but..."  I felt Rose's cold hand on my shoulder and I looked at the ground shedding a single tear.  "I love you mom.  I'll see you later."  Standing back up Rose hugged me trying to provide comfort.  I had my hands against my eyes so I could stop myself from crying while she continued to hold me.  We both walked away and went to the entrance to walk back to my house.  I had stopped crying midway home and Rose looked at me and asking, "Feeling better?"  I looked up and said, "Yeah I am.  I just miss her you know?"  She nodded and said, "Yeah I 100% get it."

I asked her, "Are you going home or my place for a bit?"  She thought about it and looked at her house which we were walking by.  "I'll go to yours since you'll be alone."  Nodding and we continued walking to my house.  Once we were inside I asked her, "What do you want to do?  We could watch movies or talk?"  I heard her messing with things in the living room so I figured she wanted to watch a movie.  "Come over here I put the movie in."  I grabbed the popcorn I made and went to the couch offering some but she declined.  I shrugged and ate the popcorn while the movie started.  By the time the movie was over it was close to 11.  Moving the bowl I stretched out my limbs and stood up.  Rose then got up and said, "Alright it's late I should go home now."  I stood up and hugged Rose, "Okay I'll see you tomorrow."  She hugged me back and nodded.  Once she was gone I went to my room to get ready to sleep.  I quickly changed out of my clothes into a tank-top and short shorts.  Plugging my phone in I went into my bed, turned off the light, and closed my eyes quickly falling asleep.

Dream
"Ellie hey it's okay."  Rose had her hands on my shoulders trying to calm me down at the front of the house.  Tears were streaming down my face.  Rose and I had gone to our first party together.  Little did we know the whole party was a setup for me.  The football team and cheerleadering squad humiliated me in front of everyone.  They all walked outside to the front where Rose and I were.  They were laughing at me and Rose was yelling angrily at them.  I continued to cry then turned and ran until I heard the screeching...

I shot up taking deep breaths trying to calm myself down while sweat was dripping down my face.  I looked over to my window and saw it was still dark.  I looked at my clock across the room it read 4am.  Running a hand through my hair and moved so my back was against my headboard.  I brought my knees up to my chest and had the dream on replay in my head.  Shaking out of my thoughts I whispered to myself, "I need to sleep I have school tomorrow."  Shifting back and laid my head on my pillow closing my eyes.  I tried to go back to sleep but I knew it was going to be a hard thing to do.  It needs to leave my head.