It's My Fault

Chapter 18

It was noon and my dad and I were standing in front of my mom's gravestone. He held my mom's favorite flowers with one hand while the other was holding my hand. We were both looking at her stone in silence. My dad started the conversation, "Hey baby. I know it's been a while since I came to talk to you. I realized I needed to man up and come see you." He lightly chuckled and I smiled up at him. He continued, "I hope Ellie has been telling you good things about me. I am so sorry I didn't come sooner. I hope you are having fun where you are. I know you are always with us. You were never one to leave easily." He lightly smiled and I walked closer and set the flowers right in front of the stone. He pulled me into him and I leaned my head against his side. He took a deep breath and said, "I miss you so much baby I wish you didn't have to leave so early." I looked up at my dad and watched as a single tear fell from his eyes. It hurt seeing him like this, I hadn't seen him cry since the funeral. I watched him wipe his tears and put on a light smile, "I'll see you later baby.  I love you." I looked back at my mom's gravestone with teary eyes and said, "See you later mom." We both hugged her stone and turned to walk away. What I did notice was the frown that my dad did when I didn't even glance to the stone next to my mom's. I chose to ignore it and we walked back to the car. "I confronted my fear you're going to have to do the same eventually." I sighed and leaned my head against the window. I didn't reply back because I knew he was right. When we got home we didn't say anything to each other. Both of our minds were in different places. I quietly said, "I'm going to go to my room." My dad simply nodded and I walked down the hall to my room. Looking around my room I went to grab Rose's book. I wrapped my arms around it and fell back onto my bed with a huff because the book was heavy and closed my eyes suddenly feeling tired and quickly fell asleep.

Dream
I opened my eyes and looked around the familiar room but immediately regretting it when my head started spinning. I sat up and saw I was in a tank-top and spandex shorts. I ran a hand through my hair and then Rose came into the room with a tray of food. "Oh hey you're up. I made breakfast, I figured you would have a hangover after the party yesterday." My mouth started to water at the sight and smell of food. I was quickly snapped out of it when she said party, "What party?" Rose set the food down next to me and gave me a confused and a are you serious look, "The very first party we both went to? Did you forget already Ellie? Maybe that hangover is worse then I thought." She grabbed my face with both of her hands and started moving it so she could see around it. I grabbed her hands and said, "What about the accident?" Rose pulled her hands away and gave me a confused look, "What accident?" Confused and full of mixed emotions I ran a hand through my hair flipping it to one side. "You don't remember the accident. Am I going crazy?" I started talking to myself and held my head looking at the door. My view was blocked when Rose was squatting right in front of me. She held my face in her hands again and said, "There was never an accident Ellie."

I shot up in my bed with my face dripping sweat. I looked over at the time and saw it was 5 in the afternoon. I then realized Rose's book was gone so I frantically looked around my bed and when I looked at the floor I saw it right below my feet. I reached down to get it and let out a breath of relief. I must of dropped it while I was asleep. I set it next to me and ran a hand through my hair while getting up to walk to the kitchen to get myself some water.  Opening the fridge I grabbed a water bottle and started to chug it and only stopped when the water met half way in the bottle. I took a deep breath and walked to the window so I could see the peaceful neighborhood but shook my head and walked out the front door so I could sit on the front steps instead. I sipped from my water bottle slowly while I watched a couple of people walk by in deep conversations. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair flipping it to my right side when all of a sudden Rose came into view with a smile on her face. Her face faltered when she saw that I wasn't how I usually was. When she got closer she sat next to me asking, "What's wrong?" I shook my head and shivered lightly when Rose set a hand on my shoulder. "Why won't you tell me." I looked over at her and saw in the corner of her eyes hurt and sadness. I dropped my gaze to the floor and said, "I had a dream that messed me up, that's all." She put her hand under my chin making me look up, "Are you sure." I nodded and relaxed when she hugged me while my hands were still holding onto my water bottle. She pulled back quickly and I looked at her confused. "I almost forgot but my mom might come over later she is going to bring a couple things over." I raised my eyebrows to her response but she simply smiled at me. She then asked, "Did you just wake up you seem tired." I nodded and chuckled lightly, "You can read me too easily." She laughs loudly and said, "I have super best friend powers." This time I laughed and said, "You want to go inside?" She nodded and we both stood up to go inside. We opted to go to my room because I knew my dad was in his doing whatever he was doing.

As soon as we both walked in she said, "Oh my gosh you still have that." I was confused as to what she was talking about until I saw her walk to my bed where the book was laying. She sat down next to it and ran her hand along the top, "I can't believe you actually kept it." I walked closer and gave her an 'are you serious' kind of look, "Of course I kept it.  I just recently found it again that's why it's laying there." I walked over and opened the page to the last picture in it. I could tell it hurt her seeing that picture but to be honest it hurt me as well. It was a polariod picture of both of us junior year right before our first party together. We both had gotten ready and Rose had wanted to take a picture. We decided on taking a mirror picture with Rose holding the camera and with me wrapping my arms around her neck hugging her from behind. I had my head on her left shoulder and looked at Rose when she took the picture. Rose didn't notice me looking at her because she was more focused on the camera. Not wanting to think about the accident I closed the book and moved it to the top of my dresser. Walking back over to the bed I laid down on my back looking up at the ceiling. Rose laid her head on my chest with an arm over my stomach. I felt her let out a breath and I relaxed even more. "You're still extremely comfortable." I laughed at her statement and then the doorbell rang. "Oh I think that's my mom." We both got up and went to the front door I yelled out, "I got it dad!" I opened it and was met with Rose's mom holding a big box. She had a smile on her face and greeted, "Hello Ellie I wanted to give you these. Rose told me to give them to you before..., you know." I nodded and saw from my peripheral view Rose's face dropped a little. She extended her arms and I took the box from her, "Thank you Erica for the stuff." She nodded and smiled backing away, "See you later Ellie." She waved once more and I smiled and closed the door.