It's My Fault

Chapter 10

Tuesday morning and I woke up with a cold.  Ugh I knew I was going to get sick.  I sniffled and coughed and then my dad walked into the room.  "Sick I see."  I nodded and coughed again and he walked over.  He put the back of his hand on my forehead, "You're hot.  Here I'll take the day off so I can take care of you."  I shook my head and tried to sit up but I got extremely dizzy and fell back down.  "Honey I am staying whether you like it or not."  Giving up I nodded and he walked out of the room.  He came back with a damp towel, a water bottle, and some pills.  I took the water and the pills and laid back down.  "I'm going to go and get your favorite soup from phò.  I'll be right back."  Before he turned I grabbed his wrist and he turned back around.  "You don't have to dad."  I started coughing and he grabbed my hand, "I'll be back alright, go and take a nap."  He let go of my hand and I nodded.  I watched as he left and close my door.  Sighing I reached for my phone I went to my music and put my slower songs playlist.  I set it back and turned it up enough to where it's comfortable loud.  I rolled onto my side so my back was to the door and closed my eyes quickly falling asleep.

Dream
6 year old me sitting on my mom's lap while we watched a movie together.  Dad was out working so it was just us two.  We were watching 'Mrs. Doubtfire' and laughing when he stuck his face in a cake.  I cuddled more into my mom and she held me tighter.  A couple minutes later dad came home, "Papa!"  I jumped off my mom and ran to my dad.  He lifted off the ground and I giggled, "Hey honey!"  He put me on his shoulders and asked, "Where's momma?"  He looked up at me and I pointed to the livingroom, "We are watching a movie!"  Dad smiled and we walked to the livingroom.  Except when we went around the corner we walked into a hospital room.  I was holding my dad's hand and I had looked up at him.  He looked like he was going to cry but was holding it back.  Confused as any 10 year old would be I didn't understand why my mom is in a hospital bed and without hair.  Not understanding the word cancer but had heard it many times from the doctor.  My dad and I walked together to her bed.  "Hey baby."  She smiled at me and I walked over. 

I wasn't tall enough to see over the bed.  I could only see half of her body from my height.  She reached her hand down and I held it in my small hands.  "Momma why can't you come home?"  My dad then lifted me so I could sit on her lap.  My mom smiled at me and ran her hand through my hair, "Nothing you have to worry about okay baby."  I nodded and leaned in to hug her.  All of a sudden a beeping noise got faster and my dad started to yell, "NURSE!"  He ran out of the room and I looked up at mom.  She was still smiling when she suddenly started to close her eyes.  "Hey mom stay awake.  I can't lose you."  I was standing on the side of her bed.  Present day me holding onto my mom's hand while she starts to flatline.  I held her face in my hands, "Mom stay with me. DAD HURRY UP!"  I started breathing heavily, tears started to run down my face.  I was looking at the window and people where walking by like nothing was happening.  I felt cold hands on my cheeks and I looked down.  My mom was pale with her hazel eyes glowing brightly, "I love you baby.  You're so beautiful."  Tears were streaming down my face and I felt like I was being dragged away.  I held onto my mom tighter but the pull was stronger.  My mom repeated, "I love you baby."  I reached out for my mom, "MOM!"

I shot up in my bed, sweating with tears streaming down my face.  I held my head feeling dizzy from the sudden movement.  Rose was in front of me on my bed holding my face.  "Hey, hey you are okay."  I started crying harder and laid back down.  Rose held me and I leaned my head on her chest.  She held me tighter and rubbed up and down my back.  I cried until I fell back asleep.  Sometime later I felt a hand on my back and I was shook awake.  I saw that Rose was no longer here and I rolled over and saw my dad smiling at me.  His expression quickly changed when he noticed my puffy eyes and tear stained face.  He leaned down and pulled me into a hug, "Oh honey what happened?"  I wanted to start crying but I wouldn't let that happen.  I only held onto him tightly and said, "Mom."  I heard him sigh and held me tighter.  He then said, "I was going to wake you up when I got back but I saw that you were asleep.  Maybe I should of woken you up."  I sniffled and said, "No it's okay.  Can we go eat now?"  He nodded and let go offering his hand.  I took it and we both walked to the dining room.  He helped me sit down and walked back over to the kitchen, "It may be a little cold but it's better then it being frozen."  I chuckled and watched him slowly walk over so he wouldn't spill.  "What about you dad?  What are you going to eat?"  He set the soup in front of me and waved it off, "I'm not hungry now eat your soup."  He smiled at me and went over to the couch to turn on the T.V.  He found some show and started watching it.

I ate my soup while watching the show occasionally.  Once I finished my soup I had needed to go to the bathroom.  I stood up and started slowly making my way to the bathroom.  "You okay honey?"  I nodded and continued to walk, "I got it dad.  Just relax and continue watching T.V."  He nodded and I walked to the bathroom.  When I made it I did an internal victory dance.  I did my business and washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror, I was pale compared to my actual skin color.  I felt better though and that was a step up from this morning.  I didn't even know what time it was but by the look of outside it seemed somewhere between noon and the afternoon.  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair then leaned over the sink to splash water on my face.  Having much better balance I figured I would go back to my room.  I sat down on my bed, grabbed my phone and saw I had gotten a message.  Confused I unlocked my phone and saw it was from Grace.

Grace: "How come you weren't at school today?"

Me: "I got sick from the storm we had yesterday."

Grace: "See you in 5."