Malec AU

Chapter 19

A/N

hey loves so yea its been ages and im sorry, but heres something to hopefully make up for it. please leave comments of what you think! also i havent edited this so sorry if its crap <3

POV Magnus

I still felt awkward in the cafeteria by myself, but I know Alec needed to talk to his sister about something so I let them have their space. To be honest I didn't even want to be at school today, after everything that happened this weekend I'm not even sure if Alec still wants to date me.

I have to tell him the truth.

I don't want him to think it's his fault. It's not. Just with what Ralphie said... I was scared. I don't want to be hurt again, and I don't want Alec to feel trapped in a relationship with me just because of my past, but he deserves to know.

I reach for my phone to tell him that we need to talk when we get home, just as the bell rings.

~~~later at home~~~

As soon as we get home I tell Alec to meet me in my room, I go to the kitchen, saying hello to Alec's mom as I pass, grabbing the box of cheez-its and go to find him sitting on my bed, "Well, don't you look comfortable?"

"Sorry, " he says standing up quickly, "just it feels kinda nice being back in my old room."

"Sorry for making you switch rooms"

"How many times do i have to tell you that it's okay?"

I laugh sitting down on my bed, "Maybe one more time"

"So..." he says as he awkwardly sits down next to me, "want to talk about yesterday?".

"Not really, but I have to. So what do you want to know?"

"Well.. I know that something happened between you and your brother and, after talking to Izzy earlier, I found out that it might have been about an Ex of yours."

"YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT!?"

He raises his hands in defense, "Ralphie mentioned her name to Iz and then Simon used to work with her... they only know rumors. That's why I wanted to talk to you before taking any of it in at face value. They... They know that she was in an off and on relationship for awhile, that she cheated on him.. More than once, that she was a manipulative person to work with let alone be in a relationship with."

"That didn't stop me from loving her. Every time she cheated it broke my heart, but I loved her. That's why when Ralphie made me realize that I was falling in love with you it hurt me so much."

"You're what?"

"But she ruined me Alec" at this point I couldn't stop the tears from slipping, "I just..."

Alec rests a hand on my thigh, squeezing it slightly, "It'll be okay magnus"

"NO.. no it's not. I let her ruin my life. Even though she's gone she still has such a hold on my life." frustrated I put my hands in my hair, "And I KNOW what you are going to say! Why didn't I just leave! Why can't I just move on! How being with someone new will help me recover! How there's no reason to be so upset! Tell me to keep looking forward! How she isn't here anymore!"

"I wasn't going to say any of that..'' I look at him in disbelief, "I just want you to know that I'm here if you need me and that I will be here when you're ready. If you want we could hold off on our relationship till you feel ready for whatever it is we're feeling."

"No Alec that isn't.. I want to be in a relationship with you."

He looks at me hopefully, "Really?"

"Yes you idiot" I laugh, "I wouldn't have agreed to anything if I didn't want to be with you. It just scared me that my feelings had developed so quickly. So strongly. It made me want to hide from them, but that's kinda hard to do when you're living with your crush, so... I ran away."

Alec lays down, his hair falling over his face, "I'm sorry that this all happened to you."

"It's just life," I lay down next to him, "Heart's get broken, then before they can heal they are already breaking over someone new..."

Alec jolts up, staring at me, "What do you mean breaking over someone new! I thought you wanted to stay together!"

"I do. It's just I know you're going to break my heart one day too." I pull him back down, kissing his cheek, "Even if you don't mean to, but for you I think I'm willing to let it happen."

"Never." He whispers.

"Hm?"

"I'm never going to break your heart. I know that you will be in my heart forever. It scares me but I'm as sure of it as anything."

"Don't say things like that love. Empty promises will leave empty holes in your heart."

"I know you don't believe me, but somehow I just know. I've never felt this way about anyone before." He kisses me softly, and my heart warms. I know he is naive, he's never been where I am, but I can't help but want to believe what he is saying is true.