Into The World I Go

I Don't Want to Go Home

I really don't want to go home now. I played dnd today but the thing is I was the only girl with six guys in total. And I am horrible around guys and usually panic and stuff. But his time I wasn't. I was calm and just having fun. But duck and morph was there. We'll morph has to because he's the dungeon master. Like for pretty much the whole time I wasn't like omg he's so cute and handsome. Like there was a few times I was like oh wow that bicep though. Ooo dem lips.  And his eyes. But it was like for a minute probably in total out of 6 hours. This semester ends this Wednesday for me. And they were going to continue the campaign like Thursday but I'll sadly be gone. So Morph told me I'll have to be replaced. We were going to keep the same group. So it would've basically been me and the guys for like the summer playing dnd. They were all shook when I told them I was going home which is 6 hours away from here. And as we were getting into our cars Morph told me he'll keep me updated on the story and to keep in touch. So I'm going to try and do that. I don't know how it's going to work. But I shall chat with the guys and especially Morph. I hope this next year I'll be able to get closer to him and get to really know him and see if we could be more. Well if he likes me which is a small chance.  And on Saturday when we had our church end of the year dinner thing. He said his testimony and before he had a hard time with Cursing a lot and with lust. And my bad kink of loving Guys like curse under their breath.  I died. But he mention that his friends all left him and basically called him a loser and such and the girl as I quote was "the girl of my dreams" told him he was a loser that was just trying to get with her like everyone else and stuff. And in my head I was like no. You are not a loser. You are such an amazing guy and your the man of my dreams. Any girl would be lucky to be with him. He is such a wonderful guy to be around. He makes you laugh and smile and feel good. And he's nice and caring. And he's just so amazing. like it hurts my heart knowing that those people hurt him like that where he got to a point of wanting to die. It just breaks my heart so much. I want to protect him and make sure he never feels that way again because he is not a loser and is the best guy in the world. I just want him to have the best, happiest life he can have. It would make me so happy for him to be happy. And sometimes he gets pains and cramps and I just want to take away the pain but I don't know what to do or how to react and in my head I'm just like I want to help you and screaming ARE YOU OKAY. I care for his well being so much. I just care about him so much. And I know it's not good for my heart as I've been told. That I'm emotionally connected to him. But I'm sorry I don't know how to get out of that yet. I want to give him a hug and just have my head in his chest. I'm a perfect height to where I can just listen to his heart. It's just a perfect height and I just pray that He could be my future husband one day. I know I would do my best to make him happy and to take care of him and honor him. But I never know who God wants me to be with. I'll just see when I get there.

05/21/2019