Into The World I Go

Mr Duck pt 2/ Lonely again

Wow it's been two months since I found about morph liking someone else. Well I still find him attractive but that's it. Like hey he still cute but I'm fine with him doing him. For a while I felt weird but now I'm okay. Now I'm okay with me being single and I haven't been so self conscious about my body and stuff. But rn Mr duck is in my eye. He had long hair for a little and I loved it. He cut it again tho but he still looks good. He recently turned 19. He's a year and a few months younger than me. My friends joke about me being a cougar. Lol it's fine I don't care. So this Friday my church group thing was at a join gathering with another college and I joined a group of my college and he was there. And he looked at me and was like you did your hair. And I was like yes and my two friends did it and then I just did a awkward lil clapping. And he just got like nervous and awkward after noticing my hair. You know as I think of it now that probably doesn't mean anything. Like yeah my hair was curled and I never curl it and stuff. But I have left it down before so him to notice it just because it's curled is interesting. My mind is trying to convince itself that he likes me or thinks I'm pretty or something. That's not good. My brain needs to stop over thinking things. He just noticed and is a observant guy or something. Yes he's just an observant guy. He couldn't possibly think I'm pretty. I want to get to know him though.  I would like to be his friend. He's like a fun guy. I would like to play dnd with him too. I had fun that one time where he got the nickname of me duck. The three of us playing had gotten so demented and it was hilarious. I miss it. But yes I would like to get to know him. Like all that I know is his birthday. He was raised here and went to high school here. He wants to be a photographer and that he was a bad kid in school before. I always did like the bad boys before 😂😂😂 lol. He also plays the guitar and I believe he said he writes some songs or something. And I love that. I love music. It's such a beautiful amazing thing that is very important to me. I would like to actually talk to him and fully get to know him. That would be great. I haven't had a guy friend in so long since all of mine just dipped out once we got older and they go into popularity or the other one got into drugs. So fun. But rn I would really like a friend. I just want a main person to talk too and just annoy about with my likings of me duck and just anything else but I feel like can't just do that with like anyone anymore. I can with my one friend back home but it's not the same. I get lonely like I'm just here part of the crowd. I'm not really a go to person for anyone to talk to. I am a person people ask for stuff from. Some people just call me when they need me. Like they really don't want to just hang out with me.  I haven't really had a deep conversation with anyone about anything. I just feel lonely and don't have anyone to get things out. Like it's all trapped inside of me and tying this right now helps but I need someone there talking and being there. Like I do hang out with my roommates but its not like let's talk deep or just talk about what's going on with us. I'm just a very lonely person. I can be surrounded by 1000 people and still feel alone. I really need a best friend. 😭

October 20, 2019