Into The World I Go

A Cup of Depresso Please

I never write on here when I'm happy I've noticed. Unless it's something that super happy and I need to get it out. But I'm writing on here right now so guess what that means. I ALL DEPRESSO AGAIN. I have been doing good before this. Like I was happy, but this last week I felt as I couldn't feel Gods presence so I felt weird. It then turned into me being rude and mean to my roommate and then to depression. And Friday night and Saturday morning I have my gathering and leadership meeting and It made me realize that This emotional wildness is my compressed feelings coming out. I cried so hard yesterday. I cried so much. Like I've been hurting and angry and I just pushed it away. Like how my roomate has hurt me but probably to her side I'm just being a jerk, but it's from all of these feelings of feeling like anger and sadness. Like when I first moved in this summer she had moved into the room we share first, but I wasn't even asked if I wanted to choose like a side of the room or of the closet or which bathroom sink I wanted and that had made me feel upset that It was like I was just staying in her room. And then there has been a few times I wanted to talk to her about stuff like serious and it was like she wasn't listening or caring anymore like she did last year. Like I feel like I can't even talk to her about anything that serious in my life because she don't care. And so I've been feeling lonely like I don't have a best friend or anyone to talk to anymore. Like no one to get stuff out and over the semester it's been pushed back and it hurts now. I hurt. My heart and soul hurts. Like I had talked to two people yesterday about it and I felt better but I feel as I can't even be around her that she doesn't want to be around me. And I am sad again. I need to tell her but I'm scared to because what if she doesn't listen again or that it'll be my fault and make me feel guilty. I don't want to feel guilty but it's eating me up inside and hurting me.  I'm just to scared to talk to her and tell her how I have been feeling. I don't know what to do.

11/10/2019