In all honesty here's the thing, I feel like Its been harder for me to let go of everything because you made me blame myself for everything that happened that night. Like everything that happened after that was my fault. But now that I think of it I need to let go of that. You pushed me to that point. I had promised you I'd never leave no matter what. I felt ridiculed and disrespected that night. I left not only because of what had happened on that day but everything that built up before that and that was just the climax. You made me do it. You made me leave you. You wanted me to leave from the beginning anyway. I would not have left if that was your first mistake. From the beginning of the relationship you made me feel worthless. I had to leave I had had enough. But you blamed me for everything that had happened. You made me believe that it was all my fault. I left, not knowing how it would make me feel, I just left because I was done with the crap I was done with all the lying, the pain, all that bullshit. That was just the last of it. I never left only because of what happened that night. But you made me blame myself for everything that had happened after that. I didn't choose to love you. I would have managed to leave you that night completely but I couldn't. You made me feel wrong for loving you. You made me believe I was to blame. I didn't do anything to you. I really didn't. I tried to withstand everything till I couldn't and when I left you blamed me, you blamed me for loving you. You made me the bad guy in every situation. There's a reason as to why I did what I did that day. And I shouldn't feel bad because your actions made me do it. I'm not to blame for what you did right after that. It wasn't my fault. It really wasn't, I did nothing wrong to you, I loved you, I was loyal to you, I respected you, I stood beside you till I couldn't take anymore. I just couldn't. I was never to blame. You pushed me to the edge and then you pinned it on me. I never wanted to leave, you gave me no other alternative. You kept on pressing it. And it's not my fault I still loved you after that, it's not my fault that I still wanted to be with you. It's not my fault that you did what you did. It was never my fault. It's not my fault that I still loved you. I spent days and nights blaming myself for what had happened. Telling myself I over reacted. Trying to cover up for your lies, blaming myself for everything you did to me because you said it was my fault. I left you. But I didn't leave without reason. And as soon as my senses came back I stayed but you didn't want me. I should have left earlier than that but I loved you unconditionally and I tried to stick through all the pain you had caused me till that night I just couldn't take anymore. It was never my fault. I didn't do anything. But you kept on blaming me. My mistake was making excuses for you every time you fucked up because you'd never take the blame. I was really stupid. I don't ever want to be that girl again, I don't ever want to be that dumb. I will never let you play with my emotions, my mind and my heart like that ever again. You never wanted to take responsibility for anything so I had to. I should have left when you wanted me to. Look at where I'm now. Honestly I really don't know if you will ever be able to appreciate my love. Even after all that I never changed on you. I didn't try get revenge. I just, I continued to love you. Why can't you appreciate that. I feel like I don't need to be asking you this. I don't deserve this.
