So here are your choices, you can either walk away now before you waste any more of your time and move on with your life and find a way to spell you without him again, you could choose to hurt him just like he hurt you, leave him, you will both heal and if you don't you can always love him from a distance it's better than staying and hurting while you are with him. Or you can break another promise to yourself of not staying and stay once again, and reject all the reasons why you just can't stay, you can try to withstand the pain AGAIN and like work on this so if anything ever happens again you don't live your life In regret of what it would have been like if you had stayed, I had stayed. that's what you said to yourself when you forgave and look at how you are now again. You can sink In confusion again for some time and keep entertaining being clowned, pretend it's okay and cry yourself to sleep again. Try to forgive again or just pretend the pain isn't there, though that's toxic it won't get you far, so what should I do. Probably begin by forgiving myself for all the pain I let you cause me when I should have just walked away earlier, there are a lot of alternatives, but one thing is for sure, if I didn't care I would not be like this, but hey bright side you are grooming me to slowly get away from you, with each stab, one day my heart will learn to make peace with that you can't love me the same way I love you and once that's done I will be able to walk away with courage, happily with acceptance of what is. Right now I can not because I still love you, but love like anything else can be destroyed. And if it comes down to it, I would rather love you from a distance than watch you hurt me on a day to day while I give you my love unconditionally. I need peace and if I can't have that with you around, if you're not willing to give me that then I'd rather not have you at all.
