I have gone numb. I can't go through it again but whose to say I will never get hurt again if I leave or stay, I'm just worried about like, what if I never get over it, what if I carry this pain with me for the rest of my life. Will my heart ever be able to just be with you and part with the pain completely. Will it ever go away, will I ever be able to just see the man I love without seeing the man who hurt me, will it all ever go away? I don't want to be miserable all my life I don't want to love you and still be in pain. I want to forget so bad I'd do anything but leave you. But what if that's the only way I will break free from the heartache. I love you I really do, but I don't want to look you in the eyes and always question if I had left early would I be happier? would the pain be gone. How do I know the pain will go away when I'm with you. What if it never goes away, I will make your life miserable forever, are you willing to accept a life where you live and love with guilt all your life, trying to make up for something that happened years ago, something you don't understand. Are you willing to live with that, to live like that. You don't deserve to live like that. No one does. I'm so afraid of not being able to get over it. So much that I'd rather set you free of the guilt. I don't know how I feel I just feel really numb at the moment. I'm just dull honestly. In terms of everything. I love you still. But in terms of what's happening. I don't really know it has not on kicked in. I have not come to terms with what I asked you for. It's just all the same but I know it isn't.
