The Weird Existence of Henry

ch. 23

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Noong unang beses kong nakilala si Stacey, hindi ko aagad siya nagustuhan. Hindi dahil inakala kong masama ang ugali niya o ano, but simply because, masyado kaming magkaiba. She's a freaking cheerleader and a commercial model of every teen girls brand in the country. I am nowhere near that. Kaya naman hindi ako makapaniwalang tinanggap niya ako sa inner circle nila. 

I'm not gonna lie. I've always thought that this day would come, but I didn't imagine it would be this way. Ang inaasahan ko kasi, magsasawa na rin sila sa akin, and they would drop me out of the blue. Turns out, ako pa ang nang-iwan. I was the one who walked away from them. To be honest, right after I turned my back on them, I badly wanted to turn back time and apologize or swallowed down all the things I said but...I guess it's better this way. It was bound to happen anyways. 

Agad akong nagpunta sa parking lot kung saan naghihintay si Henry sa akin. May lakad kasi kami ngayon. I forgot exactly what we're going to do, pero ang sabi niya'y may pupuntahan daw siya kaya nagpapasama siya sa akin. 

Nang sinabi ni Stacey na dati niyang boyfriend si Henry, hindi ko mapigilang hindi masaktan. Hindi dahil sa naging boyfriend niya ang "boyfriend" ko ngayon. Hell, he's barely my boyfriend. Nalungkot lang ako dahil sa hinaba-haba ng panahon na magkasama kami ni Henry, hindi man lang niya nabanggit sa akin na naging sila pala ng kaibigan ko. For the past few weeks, we've been close. Siya lang ang lagi kong nakakasama. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi man lang niya iyon nasabi. 

I thought we're friends. 

In the end, ako lang pala ang nag-iisip ng ganoon. 

Who am I kidding? Why would he want to be friends with me? Sino lang naman ako diba? I'm not that pretty, I'm not popular or anything. Siguro, pinatulan lang niya 'tong kahibangan ko simply becausse he was sorry for me. He kept saying that I remind him of his past self. Talagang naaawa lang siya sa akin. Bakit ko pa kasi 'to sinimulan 'to? Bakit ko pa kasi siya nakilala?

Nang makarating ako sa parking lot, agad kong nakita ang kaniyang imahe. Nakasandal siya sa kaniyang all-black BMW. He was wearing his usual black ripped jeans, na sa may bandang tuhod lang ang cut. On top, he was wearing a white and blue stripped polo while he rolled up the sleeves to his elbows and underneath it is a plain white shirt. He was on his phone, scrolling away. 

Ano kayang iniisip ng mga tao kapag magkasama kami? They're probably wondering why someone like Henry ended up with someone like me? Naguguluhan ang lahat kung bakit nagkrus ang landas naming dalawa. Kahit ako nga nagtataka eh. Hindi ito tama. Hindi na 'to tama. 

Naestatwa laman ako sa aking kinatatayuan, hindi ganoon kalaya sa kinaroroonan niya. I was lost in my own train of thoughts. Nabalik laman ako sa huwisyo nang bigla niyang tinawag ang akin pangalan. 

"Kanina ka pa diyan? Come on, let's go. We have a lot of things to do," ang sabi niya. He opened the door of the shotgun seat, pero nakatunganga pa rin ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Pinagmamasdan ko lang ang kaniyang mga kilos. 

I would definitely miss these days. 

"Gwen? Is everything okay?" napahinto si Henry sa kaniyang kilos nang mamataan niyang wala akong imik at nakatunganga lang. 

Agad siyang lumapit sa akin. 

"I think we should stop," agad kong sabi nang makalapit siya. Mahina lamang ang boses ko pero alam kong rinig na rinig niya ang bawat salitang tinuran ko dahil sa reaksyon niya. 

"What the hell are you talking about? Did something happen?" gulat niyang reaksyon. 

"Nothing. Na-realize ko lang na hindi na tama 'tong ginagawa natin. I mean, we're not really together anyways. Tsaka, hindi na rin tama na nagsisinungaling tayo sa kanila," paliwanag ko sa kaniya. 

"Come on Gwen, that's the reason why you want to break up with me? Seriously? No! I won't allow it! Not gonna happen! We are not gonna breaking up!" pagtutol niya. 

"Henry, we have to stop this. Hindi na 'to tama. I want to end this. Kailangan na nating 'tong taposin bago may masaktan pa tayong iba," ang sabi ko sa kaniya. 

He scratched the back of his neck, the thing he always does whenever he's frustrated. 

"Did something happen? I knew something's up and you're leaving me blind-sided again!" tumaas na ang kaniyang boses. "What happened Gwen? Please just tell me so I could fix it!"

Nagsisimula ng magtubig ang mga mata ko. Kanina ko pa pinipigilang kumawala ang mga luha ko, but there's no use. Sumasakit na rin ang lalamunan ko sa pagpipigil. 

"Nothing happened," I looked at him and smiled. All I could do is pretend. Magaling naman ako sa ganoon eh. Pretending that I'm his girlfriend, pretending that I'm okay, pretending that this is not hurting me at all. "Naisip ko kasi, kailangan na nating tigilan 'to. This is getting way out of hand. This is not supposed to happen anyways."

He cupped my face, trying to make me look his eyes, those eyes. 

"Baby, just tell me what's wrong. Please, don't give up on us right now," his voice was so gentle for a second, I let myself believe that whatever we had was real. 

Pero siguro, ito na ang panahon para mamulat ako sa katotohanan. I shouldn't let myself get consumed by this fantasy. I have to face my sad reality. Even if it would hurt so bad.

Dahan-dahan kong inalis ang mga kamay niya sa aking mukha at agad na pinahiran ang tumakas na mga luha mula sa aking mga mata. 

"I know you and Stacey dated. She was acting as if, it doesn't affect her at all, but I know, nasaktan natin siya. Nasaktan ko siya. Kailangan na nating tapusin to. Kahit nagkukunwari lang tayo, nasasaktan pa rin kasi natin siya. Nasasaktan pa rin natin ang lahat. Don't worry Henry. Wala akong sasabihing masama sa mga kaibigan mo tungkol satin. Just tell them na I don't want to be in a relationship anymore," nasasaktan ako habang binibitawan ko ang mga salita. "Thank you for saving me. Thank you talaga sa lahat. Finally, you're free."

Agad kong tinalikuran ang nagsusumamong mga mata ni Henry. Hindi ko na siya nilingon. Tuloy-tuloy akong naglakad papalayo, habang tumatakas ang mga hikbi ko. Hindi ako tumigil hanggang sa nakalabas na ako ng parking lot. 

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng mang-iwan. I thought it would be so much better than being left behind, but turns out, it's harder to say goodbye, especially when you still don't want to. 

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This is Patch saying Yes to Happy Reading and Happy life ❤