Stargazing With Beilah

Coffee Gatorade: If I Could Tell Her

Spencer and Jake were on their first date. It was a nice picnic in the woods, soft blanket spread out over the ground of a secluded area. It was quiet, but not silent, the noise of birds singing and leaves rustling filled the air, but the sounds of humans and traffic were far away. Light streamed down from between the breaks in the canopy of leaves hanging above them. One of Spencer's hands toyed with the blades of grass they rested by, feeling the soft, luscious follicles dancing in the breeze.

Spencer closed his eyes and tilted his head back to rest on the solid chest behind him. Jake let out a soft chuckled as he did this, reaching a hand up to card his fingers through Spencer's auburn curls. He twisted the strands around his fingers and soothingly massaged his scalps with his nails, knowing that it calmed the shorter male. Spencer let out a content sigh in return. This was perfect, all of it. Jake knew him perfectly well- he had known him for years, of course. He knew exactly what made Spencer feel safe and comfortable- presumably why their first date was in the middle of the woods.

Although Jake was a social butterfly at its peak, Spencer was not. He was barely peaking out of his chrysalis at his best. Regardless of this conflict of interest, Jake loved spending time with him and would do anything he possibly could to make him feel good. He wanted Spencer to feel loved and safe, so he immediately knew that he couldn't take Spencer on a date somewhere crowded- at least for their first date. He decided early on that he wanted their first date to be in the woods. Spencer loved forests more than any other area and food was always a safe way to go for first dates.

Despite Jake being perfectly happy with moving at Spencer's slow pace and spending time with him at home or on small, secluded dates like this, Spencer promised both his new boyfriend and himself that he would bring Jake on dates that fit his social personality better. Although he himself felt incredibly anxious out in public, Jake seemed to thrive there. Spencer was no good at parties and other social gatherings but wanted to go with Jake to them. He wanted to be a good boyfriend and, since Jake cared enough to slow his pace to work with Spencer's comfort zone, he wanted to do the same for his boyfriend.

He smiled slightly, promising himself that he would take Jake to a party as thanks for this amazing date. The food had been wonderful and peacefully laying with him and watching the sky roll by overhead as they chatted idly was perfect. It was completely serene and calming and Spencer could hardly think of anything that would make this moment better.

That is until he was reminded of his best friend... Jake's sister.

She didn't know that the two of them were dating and Spencer didn't know if he could ever bring himself to tell her that he had not only fallen for her brother but began dating him as well. She would never forgive him, he was sure of it.

Spencer loved Beilah. Of course, he loved her in a completely different way than he loved Jake, but he loved her regardless. He cared for her deeply and never wanted to hurt her. Ever. He never wanted to do anything that would bring her pain or drain her of joy. She had been such a great friend to him for the past several years and he couldn't help but feel like he was betraying her by doing this.

"Whatcha' thinking about, C-3PBro?"

Spencer shook his head, "Nothing."

Jake ran his hands through Spencer's hair once more before gently pulling him closer, one beautifully sculpted arm loosely holding him to his chest while the other continued to play with his hair, "I can tell when something's bothering you. Really, Spence. What's wrong?"

Spencer let out a quiet, sad hum, "I feel like I'm betraying Beilah..."

Jake hesitated. Clearly, he had thought about this as well.

"I wish we could tell her. I wish I didn't feel like I was hurting her whether we told her or not."

"I do, too..."

"I just- she was my first friend. She's always been amazing and supportive of all of my decisions. I feel as though... I feel like I'm secretly sucking her life source. Like, I'm not even stabbing her in the back, I'm being a coward about it. I'm setting a trap for her and I know it."

"Hey, no need to panic Edgar Allen Bro-" Spencer chuckled at the nickname- "Beilah loves you. She really cares about you and, even if she's upset about this, she isn't going to abandon you because of it."

Spencer nodded slowly. He knew that, logically, Jake was right, but he still wasn't ready to tell her.

"If it'd make you feel better, though... we can still wait to tell anyone."

Spencer turned over in Jake's arms to face him, crawling closer to peck his cheek, "Thank you."

Jake smiled back and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. Regardless of how slow they had to take this, they were both willing to do what they needed to to make this relationship work, and that's what was important.