Dancing with Danger: a Jay McGuiness+ TW Fanfiction

Epilouge

The chill of my native land is a comforting presence for the first time. The other two times I've been back in these last 5 years, I've been crawling out of my skin.  

Walking through the same cemetery that haunted my dreams, I reflect back on how far I've come since I walked away from everything I've known. I work with a dance company out of New York, as the principal dancer and I get to choreograph some of our performances as well. That's when I came back to London the first time, running into Farrah and Hanna at a competition. We had reestablished tentative lines of contact.  

My second return was actually for bittersweet occasions. Two years ago, Farrah gave birth to her twins, and named them Clara and Lucy. The same week, I had been called back to testify against Henry getting out of prison. He was put back in, but taken off the suicide watch they'd had him on. He lasted 4 days. 

But now, I come to remember, and say the final goodbyes to all ties I had in this homeland. The four tombstones in varying shades of grey still stand under that wide oak tree. Three generations of my family lie in this hallowed ground, all without a proper goodbye from the one remaining.  

Looking at Lucy's tombstone, I remember the nightmares that had featured her anger at Clara's passing. It had taken me 2 years before I let go of that pain and accepted that there was nothing I could have done.  

At Clara's, I remember the stomach cramping pain that had come for a long time every time I saw a little blonde girl. Eventually, they all stopped looking like Clara and I accepted that loss that had made me a stronger person in the end.  

At Henry's, I feel the anger again. But it's not the same. It's an echo of a memory. An impression of the pain released when I finally stopped trying to blame anyone for the events of that day.  

Then, at my mothers, I trace the delicate lettering of this the palest shade of grey. It's time for me to say goodbye, to it all. To the life I could have, and would have had. Maybe she would have fought the cancer harder. Maybe I'd be married myself. I hold a letter in my hand, one that I received just before leaving for my flight. I knew who it was from, and I knew that if she was still here, I would have asked for my mums help.  

I sit down; facing the only part of her I have left. "Mum, you probably hate me for leaving you like I did. And I wish I could have seen you one last time. I'm not mad at you anymore. And there is so much I wish I could have told you. Like, I finally made it. I'm in a company, as the principal. And, I have my own place. I've decorated it with some really cool stuff, but the quilt you and I made when we visited your mum still lies at the foot of my bed." 

I turn the letter over in my hands, and with slow determination, tear it open.  

Shaun.  

I know you never really expected to hear from me again. But I had to write. So, Marissa, you know she's a couple months away from becoming Ms. Sykes?, anyway, She found out where you were living from Farrah.  

You're probably sitting somewhere laughing at my rambling the way you used to. I know, I know. Get to the point, right? 

Well. The band is doing our final concert in a few nights. Between three of the lads trying to start families, as well as everything else, We've decided that it was better we ended now, while we can still call each other friends. And We're inviting everyone that helped us change our lives and reach our dreams over these last couple years. Max has even invited Michelle, though she can't make it. I know that I'm probably asking too much, but can you please fly out, come for the night? If anyone has changed my life in these last few years, it's been you.  

I included the ticket and a backstage pass, and I really hope you'll come. I also hope that if you do, you won't leave again without saying goodbye. I suppose we never really were just friends, but I'd still take that over the silence of the last 5 years.