"Hello boss".....
" what is your status update?" An averagely toned, huskily confident voice inquired over the phone......
"He's on his way out of the building sir"...
...." Good! Tail him and find out everything you can about him"...
"I wanna know where he goes, who he meets, where he fucking eats"....
" every goddamn detail you hear me?"
"OK boss". Lawal hung up the phone as he trailed with his eyes a usually excited emeka as he got into his car and drove out of the compound.
**
"Hey mum".... " how are you?" Emeka asked his mother over the phone...
"I'm not good oo"...... " how do you expect me to be good when I hardly ever see you?" His mother bemoaned from her end.....
"But mum you know I always visit"....
....." You're the one who has refused to come to your country". Emeka replied
....."see there's too much drama in that our country abeg"...... "Ain't nobody got time for drama jare".... She replied in a somewhat brisk tone.....
" hian! ".... Emeka jokingly exclaimed.
...." See my mother using slangs ooh"...
"Who is doing this to you mum?"
...."its yoma ooo" Emeka's mother replied, giggling softly....
"She's teaching me naija slangs"....
" she wouldn't have me sounding like a Kenyan around her"....
"Well say hi to her for me and please tell her she is doing a good job" emeka replied....
..."Talking about good jobs Emeka, when will you bring a girl home?" She asked, not hiding her dissatisfaction at the fact that her son hasn't settled down with a woman yet.
..."do you want to give me a grandchild when I'm dead?"
" its not that easy mum" Emeka quickly replied..... "I'm taking my time".....
" why would it be easy?" She interrupted him mid-sentence.
"When you have a nonexistent social life!" Mrs Valerie had never been one to hide her contempt and her son wasn't going to be an exception.
"You barely go out, how do you expect to meet anyone like that?" She asked...
"But mum I have met someone already" Emeka responded.
"Then ask her out!" She demanded... "And please don't tell me you're still hung up on that bimbo girl!"..... " for crying out loud Emeka its been four years and you still haven't summoned up the courage to ask her out!"
....."I'm taking my time mum" Emeka replied rolling his eyes in frustration at his mothers continued nagging at his singleness.....
"Emeka you're a Vancouver!"..
. . . "Us Vancouvers are not known to be lily livered" ....... "We go after what we want!" She scolded
...."for God's sake Emeka toughen up and grow some balls!".....
" I beg you ooo, I cannot be attending your wedding when I'm too old to walk" ...
"Okay mum I've heard you"...
" I have to go now, talk to you later mum" Emeka hung up the phone as he drove into the whinehouse compound.
"Yo mike what's up!" Emeka hollered from a distance as he walked into the bar.. "The usual please" he requested, taking a seat on a couch at the far end of the bar as mike went to work with a brut rose barefoot champagne...
"You never ever come late do you?"
.... "You overtrained mama's boy" Alex humoured from behind him...
....."well you know how I am with time" Emeka replied, standing up to give him a hug.
"So howfar now". … " gist me" Alex asked as a waiter served Emeka his drink. "Can I have a marques de casa please?" ..."thank you" Alex quickly requested just as the waiter was about to leave.
"Nothing much bro" Emeka started, relaxing into his seat. "Mumsy just dey disturb me make I carry woman come house"...... " I don tire for that woman sef"...... "I mean what does she want from me guy?"
......"she does not understand that as a matter of fact a good woman is hard to find!" He exclaimed in a fairly high pitched voice.
"Oga how many women have you met?" Alex cut in...
"You've been stuck up on bimbo for God knows how long now".......
" ask her out; you said no!".....
....."oya mingle with other ladies na; you say no!"
....."see , if na me be your mother eehn, I for don slap this craze comot for your body".....
"Guy see eehn" Emeka replied
"Nor be say I nor wan talk to this babe oo".... " but anytime I want to talk to her I just go blank!".....
......"for 4 years oga!" Alex mocked
" the babe dey keep clean sheet for your side I swear!" He let out a loud laugh....
"Bros you dey shout abeg!" Emeka sported a weak frown, certainly not happy with Alex' mockery.
......."and besides she doesn't see me like that yet"...... "She might begin to feel awkward if....."
"If what?" Alex asked Emeka wondering why he stopped mid sentence.
Emeka was now staring incredulously at a couple who just walked into the bar.
"Oh my world!"...... " would you believe this!" Emeka mused rather loudly.
...."would you believe what?" Alex asked, getting rather impatient with Emeka.
"You see this two people wey just waka enter so?" Emeka pointed out.
..... "Eheen what about them?" Alex asked, bemused.
"That's Halima and.... Wait for it.."
"Kola!" ......
"Wait, are you shitting me right now?" Alex asked, certainly amused by this new piece of information.. "Bad guy!" Alex exclaimed, giggling rather loudly
"Baba dey knack two best friends".... " sneaky motherfucker"...
"Oga you're drawing attention to yourself!" Emeka cautioned...
"Who fucking cares man!" Alex quickly replied, chuckling like a kid high on sugar.... "This guy is a fucking legend!" ....."and he definitely has to know that his prowess is being acknowledged abeg"...
"Waiter!" Alex beckoned to one of the waiters. "Tell mike to put whatever they're having on my tab okay"...
" OK sir" the waiter quickly replied and strode off to deliver the message.
"Guy step up ooo" Alex encouraged, still giggling..... "See as one bros just dey sample your babe and her best friend"...... " you dey here dey zuo"....
"Abeg na you sabi" Emeka quickly replied..... "What if they're just friends?".......
" you see that's the problem with you!" Alex bemoaned..... "You always have an excuse for everybody!"
..... "Anyways na you sabi, I have a meeting with the board of directors at my company"..... " I'll catch you later"
..... "No wahala" Emeka quickly Replied as he stood up to shake him in their usual manner, clasping their palms diagonally together and bumping their shoulders against each other...
...."me sef need better rest, work has been stressful lately" Emeka said as he took one last sip from his glass and proceeded to exit the bar with Alex.
"Wait" Alex stopped him in his tracks...... "Aren't you gonna pay for your drink?" He asked.
"So that's why you stopped me" Emeka hissed..... "I've payed in advance" Emeka replied as he gave Alex a playful slap over the back of his head.
