Judgement (John Seed X Deputy OC)

9 - Shadow

John pushed open the leather flaps of the church doorway and stepped out into the sunlight. I watched him from behind Joseph's back, taking in every feature on his face. Old. He looked so old and tired.

'You remember him.' Joseph spoke to me quietly without moving his head an inch. I knew not to reply. 'Do not forget it was you who asked for the mask. You who asked to atone for your sins. You who did all of this so that he may be happy. If you decide to go back on your promises to God then you and I will be taking a trip back to the depths of hell.' My skin crawled at the thought of Dutch's bunker. The never-ending darkness of the underground that felt like it'd swallow you and purge you of all existence. The stench of my own blood clinging to the cracks in my skin as I was forced to repeat the Word of the Father over and over. The vacant sobs that escaped my lungs as I clawed at the door only to be dragged back by my ankles. A quiet murmur of agreement was enough for Joseph lay off of me. The Captain approached, John close behind her. Whilst his outer expression was stoic, there was something reminiscent of terror behind his eyes. What had Joseph said to him?

'Already my chosen fight the highwaymen throughout the long nights. Now I will ask them to find the strength to fight in the day as well. Your friends should make good use the distraction and act quickly. My family cannot fight forever.' Joseph spoke calmly to his brother before addressing the Captain. 'As for you, remember God's gift. What you have experienced so far is just a taste of God's power. Don't waste it. I will also give leave for my Judge to follow you. They speak only one language, that of violence. In this they will serve you well.' I swallowed hard at Joseph's description. All I was good for was death and destruction.

Wrath.

'So kind of you to lend us your lap dog.' John looked me up and down. A tut of annoyance passed his lips as he folded his arms across his chest.

'What he means to say is thank you Joseph.' The Captain stuck her elbow hard in John's side. 'With the help of New Eden we will be able to even the playing field against the highwaymen.' A feeling of longing ached in my chest. I wanted to touch him too.

Envy.

Pain radiated through my fingers and I had to clench them to make it stop.

'Before you can be our shepherd, you must be our sword. Go and make the land safe for all who wish to live in peace.' The Captain gave Joseph a final nod of thanks before leading the way out of the compound. John said nothing, brushing past the Father in a hostile manner.

'There is always a home for you here little brother. This is what we fought so hard to create. Do not deny yourself the fruits of our labour.' Joseph's voice made him pause. For a second I thought he was going to stay. But instead his hands balled into fist and his shoulders hunched over. Without another word he trailed after the Captain. Motioning to follow them, Joseph stuck an arm out and gripped the front of my brown shirt. Even though he couldn't see my green eyes beneath the blacked out lenses, it felt as though knew exactly where they sat on my skull. 'You have been given a chance at rebirth. Do not take it for granted.' His loose threat hung on the end of his tongue and I gave a tight nod of understanding. My shirt uncrumpled as he released me, eyes boring into my back as I ran to catch up with the other two.

***

'So we go all the way up there and we come back with no information, a couple of archers in the daytime and a fucking mute. Great just great!' John threw his hands into the air, yanking the gun from his back and shooting at a nearby tree. The bark splintered, shards flying onto the ground. I remained behind him, wanting to get closer but knowing that I couldn't

'Hey! We got more than that! He's helping us out Gramps!' The Captain took his arms and lowered the gun so that it pointed at the ground. It wasn't fair, I should be the one helping him.

Envy.Envy.Envy.Envy.Envy.

'I know he didn't have the answers you wanted about her but that doesn't mean-'

'He said that she's dead Lara.' John yanked the gun back up, used his boot to kick the Captain out of the way and drilled bullets into the wood.

'You told me he's a manipulator! That's he's dangerous! Are you really gonna believe every word that comes outta his mouth?' The young woman placed her hands on her hips and my chest tightened. She was just like me. John looked away like a wounded animal, the din of the gun fading out as his finger released from the trigger. 'Let's just get home and we can figure the rest of this out.' She looked down at her hands, twisting them round. She had attained the power of the Lord but did not yet know how to wield it.

The rest of the walk was pretty much silent which was fine with me. It wasn't like I could join in with their conversations. Traipsing behind with my bow ready to shoot, my heightened hearing meant that I could hear a pin drop amongst the rustling of leaves or the chirping of birds. Luckily, nobody attacked us and we soon made it to the fortified wooden village. The gates heaved open and I was taken aback at the sight of Kim Rye waiting for us.

'Thank God, we'd beginning to think we'd lost you. How was it?' She rushed up to us. John shoved past her angrily, heading towards the main building. On his way he snatched a chair up into his hands and tossed it across the garden.

'Ignore him. It went well. The people of New Eden will join forces with us. Joseph has leant us his best fighter, the Judge, for the cause.' Lara pointed to me and beckoned me forward. I did as she said though my stare lingered on John who had come out atop the veranda. He ripped open a door and slammed it aggressively, vanishing from view.

'Right... hello there.' Kim said uneasily, extending a hand to me. I looked down at the hand and then up at her face, tilting my head to one side.

'They don't speak.' Lara stated. Kim pulled her hand back slowly and let it hang loosely at her side.

'I see. Well, I'm gonna head to bed. We can strategise more in the morning. Get some rest Lara.' Kim hugged the young girl tight before looking to me. 'Make yourself at home... Judge.' And with that she strode off. Immediately, I pointed up to the room where John had gone and grunted.

'You can go check on him, it's your funeral though.' Lara patted me on the shoulder before turning in for the night. Walking into the main house, it was different to the ranch that I knew. All of the taxidermy animals were gone and Kim had made it far more homely with fairy lights and shelves of books. My gloved fingers glided across the spines as I made my way up the stairs to where John had gone. Pausing on the veranda, I remembered the night when we had gotten drunk and played card games. The night when we'd first slept together.

Lust.Lust.Lust.Lust.Lust.

The skin around my thighs twinged with pain. Moving round to John's door, I stopped again when I heard the noises from inside. My ears twitched like an alert deer, picking up on every sound. The ripping of paper. The toppling of a desk. The strangled cries of a rage filled man. He was so angry, so filled with wrath.

Wrath.Wrath.Wrath.Wrath.Wrath.

A strong ache radiated up my arms even though I wasn't the one indulging in sin. Where was it coming from? Was I sinning and I didn't know it? No, it was his pain. I could feel every inch of his pain bubbling beneath my own skin. Slowly but surely, the noise behind the door quietened to a silence but the soreness continued to climb up my arms and brace my shoulders. It was getting worse. Curbing the sense that I wasn't performing my duty to Joseph, I wrapped a gloved hand around the handle and let it swing open. My heart stopped beneath my layers of clothing as the scene before me was unveiled. A desk lay strewn across the floor just as I thought I'd heard. Paper and maps were stained red with blood, littering the floor like a carpet. The duvet of a small bed in the corner was torn open, feathers still airily falling to the ground. My attention fell onto the man sat on the floor. His arms were bleeding, ripped open by his own fingernails. Chest rising and falling rapidly, his normally bright blue gaze seemed dim and unlit. He stared into space as hot tears of anger trickled down his cheeks. Despite being slouched against the fallen desk right in front of me, it was as though he hadn't seen me open the door. Without a word, I walked in lightly and sat beside him. He didn't move or make a sound at my actions, staring ahead as if nobody existed except him. Closing my eyes, I allowed his anguish to wash over me and tug at every inch of my body. At least we were suffering together.