Reading In Reverse

I'm not perfect, here'S why

You tell me I'm immature because I leave my friend on read.

I tell you to stay out of it and you say no.

You tell me it doesn't matter if I'm angry, I shouldn't ignore my friends because it makes me look like the lower person.

I tell you to stop. 

You say why should I? So you can block me again? Or to avoid it?

I say I'm dealing with this on my own, it's a fucking misunderstanding between Ninette and Bryce. So stay out of it.

You say no.

You say this is still me being immature, and ignoring my statement won't change that. You say I should keep decency, that I can't ask people to act a certain way and not act the same way in the same way they treat me. It doesn't work that way.

I want to reply.

I want to say, you don't think I don't know that? I want to scream at you and say the world isn't fair! That not everyone will treat you the same as how you treat them. That's just life!

Instead, I say that I didn't ask for his opinion. Go away. Leave me alone.

He says Okay. He says I hope you find a bigger person in all those places you run away to. 

He says it like he doesn't care that I've been threatened with my life. That subconsciously, it's the source of my running away. 

I tell him to stop trying to change me. I can't, and never will please everyone around me. 

I ask him this: Do you have any idea how annoying that is? Your friends trying to change you. And then getting mad at us when we try and change you?

I don't care that I can be narcissistic and hypocritical and make dumb decisions at times. I'm not perfect and neither are you. I couldn't care less about your opinion but the fact that you try to change me just shows how little you actually care about me.

He takes a minute to respond.

Well without change, you don't improve and without improvement, you just stay an older variety for you who's never grown up. Clearly, you don't have much self-reflection so you need someone else to hold up the mirror for you. 

I say I don't need to hear that from you.

I want to say I need support. But you're the last person I'd ever go to for such a thing. You scare me, in a way no one has ever scared me before. I tell you to stop, but you persist until you break my walls and I find myself crying and thinking to myself if I'm not perfect then you must be a disaster if you call yourself my friend and think that I'd ever listen to you. 

Because the only person I need to listen to is me. And no else can change that.