Reading In Reverse

29/03/18

When I first noticed you, it was the end of the week before the December break. It was your hair that I noticed first. That long, curly, beautiful brown hair. You were abnormally skinny, and I don't say that in a bad way. I had just never seen someone so lanky, so thin and tall and none of it in an abnormal way. And I liked it. I liked how you looked different from the other boys in our school. As it would happen, you were and still are, almost 2 years older than me. That insurmountable age gap was a burden. 

I caught myself anytime you passed by me in the hallways, especially when I was alone or with a friend. I wouldn't be able to hear anything else but my heart growing 3 times bigger and my heart pounding faster than I would normally bare to take. And I did try not to stare at you. But see the thing is, I really couldn't. And I did try to not make it obvious that I was. But every time you were at your locker, I just couldn't help but take a quick glance. But you still had no idea who I was. So I decided I would change that. 

My friend had brought a yearbook to school and we looked through the grade 11s and 12s to see if we could somehow find you. And we did. So I thought to myself, a good looking boy like this must-have social media. And you did, only it took a week to find you because you didn't have many followers. It took a day for me to decide to follow you and a month to contemplate sending you a text. And I never would have done it if my step-sister hadn't shot him with a "hey" and the hungry emoji. And you actually answered. You asked who I was and complied with an answer, content that I finally got to talk to you. You answered my curious questions in short words and I thought this was the end until you asked for my Snapchat. 

We talked for months and we grew closer. Until I realized, I was falling for you.

That was my biggest regret.

Letting myself fall in love with you...