Reading In Reverse

I want to forget

I want to forget the day we met. When you smiled at me and I forgot my dang name.
I want to forget that I knew how I felt about you the moment I met you. The way I felt comfortable around you and the way I could hug you like all my worries went away. I want to forget the few months we were inseparable because we understood each other. I want to forget that when I met you, you belonged to someone else... and that hurt me.

I want to forget when you asked me out and I said yes, all the joy you made me feel. I want to forget that you took away my pain and sorrow and made me see the bright side. I want to forget my first kiss with you, as we played together on rainbow road of freedom in a galaxy full of stars. I want to forget how happy I was that day because I never thought for the longest time that I would ever be somebody's.

I want forget the day we broke up, because you knew you belonged to someone else. I wish I had gotten up and left that day, I wish I hadn't spent my day with you, feeling sad for myself because you weren't the one. I want to forget that I came crawling back to you because I thought you were ready to be mine, but I was wrong. But I was wrong the second time. And the third. And the fourth.

I want to forget how many days you've ruined for me and how many times I came crawling back to you. You couldn't make up your mind, and I can't blame you for that. It's your way of coping with life. But don't tell me I'm the problem if you keep crushing on every girl you see. I want to forget that after you broke up with your new girlfriend, I was there for you, as a friend, because no one else would take you seriously. I almost made the same mistake a 5th time, I said I loved you and I meant it. Because I've never said it to anyone before, please don't throw it away, because that will make me build my wall up higher than before.

When you finally told me you didn't want to try for a 5th time, I didn't cry. Yes, I was upset, like all the times I was before, but this time I was ready to express myself. My sister told you everything, gave up my darkest secrets so you would know how it felt to be inside. What I've been through, and still, no remorse. You said you were ready and I said I'd wait, because that's what someone does when you love them.

Your response to that was the one thing that made me cry during our relationship. I never cry, not unless there's something actually wrong. You said you didn't love me as much as I loved you. Even after I gave up my parents approval and respect for you, you still couldn't see. But that's not what killed me. What killed me was that you called me obsessive when I said I loved you. For expression how I felt. That's what killed me. And you! Knowing full well I was made fun of my whole life for liking someone! Who uses my own fear against me! What kind of person?

I want to forget. I want to forget the happiness you made me feel when I was down. Your terrible singing and your brilliant guitar strumming.

And so I'm saying goodbye. Because I want to forget who you are and what you did. I want to forget ever knowing you because my life is too painful knowing that you never really cared.

I want to forget being, your failed rebound girlfriend.