10/5/14
Dear Diary,
So, I totally forgot that I had a doctors appointment today. It didn’t go well in my mind. Remember how I told you on Tuesday that I should have lost four pounds at the end of the week? Yea, well, I only lost 3. I was a pound off. You may not think I’m fat but my doctor does. She’s like “Have you ever thought about the portions of your food? How about a diet?” I’m still ticked about that like (excuse my french) what the hell! Yes I’m on a freaking diet! And no I haven’t thought about portions but I might as well make that todays new rule. I’m going back to yesterdays idea. I’m so mad! Numbers are everywhere in the world of judgement! I don’t need you telling me I’m fat! I know I’m fat and I hate my body already! You’re just making my thoughts worse! Society is killing the teenager, and you’re helping it! You don’t know what I’m doing to get rid of that 149! I’m trying! If you really want to pull me down further, do it! What the hell do I care?? Just know that if I end up dead it’s on you. My body will be perfect when I go. I’ll have collarbones! I’ll have a flat stomach! I’ll have a thigh gap! It’ll all be your fault!
Dark thoughts dance through my head,
But only when I am I'm bed,
When the monsters come out to play,
That's when I waste away,
My demons are big and tall,
I cannot defeat them all,
So when I disappear don't be surprised,
My monsters don't like to compromise,
They'll always have the upper hand,
My defense slips through my hands like sand,
Though you cannot see them,
My demons are still there,
They're even bigger than the biggest bear,
Their jaws are now open wide,
And the world seems to have turned on its side.
Rule 4: Eat denser food so it feels like more. It’ll fill you up faster.
Rule 5: Only take out the amount you plan to eat. Don’t go back for seconds.
