Chasing Shadows

06 Ice Skating

A L E C 

After dropping Reagan off at her darkened home, I parked my car in my driveway. She had seemed so hesitant to leave my car, to walk into her own house. I couldn't imagine being so anxious to be in my home, with my family. My chest ached as I saw her slip quietly up the trellis to her window and disappear beyond the curtain. I hoped that the night would be easy for her, that she would curl up in bed with one of her forbidden romances and fall asleep to the strong embraces of Fabio like heroes. She needed the escape.

Turning my car off, I stepped out into the humid air of the night. The party had tired me out, and I was ready to head inside and into bed. I drew my set of keys and unlocked the front door. It was almost eerie, how silent the house was. With my parents on their weekend getaway and Helen out with someone, I was all alone. Sometimes, I liked the silence. Liked to be by myself. But that was when I had Reagan to talk to.

She had been acting strange that night. Not that I blamed her. I would probably be acting strange too, if I had just found out my parents were getting a divorce and because of an affair. I had a feeling it was more than that though. She had been weird at the party, weird with me, and especially weird when Ella approached us. I couldn't understand why; as far as I knew, she barely knew Ella. They certainly had never had any issues. And I would know.

The stairs creaked as I ascended them. As I stepped into the hallway, I heard the squeaking of Helen's hamster busy on his wheel. It gave me a sense of comfort, to know that I wasn't the only living thing in the house. When I got to my room, I closed the door with a click and switched on my game console. Since Reagan didn't seem to be in much of a talking mood, and I certainly didn't want to bother her, I decided that a distraction was what I needed. I laid across my bed and picked up my controller when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. As I took it out, I saw that it was Reagan. I was surprised that she wanted to talk at all.

As it turned out, it wasn't anything substantive. Just a conversation about her brother, who was finally not treating her like a dick. I shook my head as she sent me a decidedly distant "goodnight" text and turned my phone upside down. It always made my stomach hurt when she was distant. It was as though a very big part of me had been severed.

I did my best to busy myself with my game, trying hard not to think of Reagan and focusing on shooting zombies instead. Trying not to think of the hurt in her eyes when she talked about her mother. No matter how hard I tried to dive into the game, I was incapable. I wanted nothing more than to climb up the trellis on the other house and comfort Reagan. To distract her somehow, hold her in my arms and let her cry. But I had a feeling this wasn't the best time. God forbid her mother was awake and heard me sneaking into Reagan's bedroom. That was the last thing she needed.

Mrs. Bell had always liked me. At least, in her own way. She was the kind of woman who showed her affection in small, blink-and-you-might-miss-it gestures. A small smile here or a slight approving nod there. Big shows of emotion, positive or negative, were not her style. When I was younger, I had thought that she had despised my guts, based off of the way she was always silent near me. Always unreadable. She was like a statue, cold and unfeeling. So I had been shocked when Reagan had said otherwise. She had been so confused, unsure of why I would ever think that her mother hated me. I guess she was used to that cold brand of affection.

Even though Reagan looked like her mother, their personalities were a stark contrast. Reagan certainly had her mother's intelligence, but she was warm and fun and loving. Her intelligence wasn't a weapon, something to lord over everyone. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and that was something I loved so much about her. Sometimes I wondered it Mrs. Bell had been that way too, when she was young. I wondered if it had been the world that had changed her into the austere woman she was today.