lucy, i'm drunk

I

- oh, pretty baby -
[ lucy's pov ]

"you're just too good to be true. can't take my eyes off you." my mom sings as the rain fall from the sky.

her mood and the weather outside wasn't compatible but that's probably because my mom is the happiest woman alive and one of the most optimistic person i know.

i cant say the same thing about me though.

my mom folds the clothes then looks at me confused. as if she's never seen me before.

"why are you looking at me like that?" i look at her back with a confused reaction.

my mom laughs
"you look so sad, cheer up!" she throws a hoodie at me.

i was sad. depression is like that. sometimes when you try your best to be happy, to wake up with a smile on your face, you just realize that your life doesn't work that way and something just has to fuck up. wether it's a situation or your brain is just overthinking.

i look outside as it rains then a thunder hits the street making me flinch. my mom giggles as i roll my eyes at her making her laugh more.

silence came to the room but she broke it. thinking back at it, i hope the silence went on because the words that came out from her mouth made me sink even deeper.

"your dad wants to meet you." she continues folding the clothes. from the look in her eyes it was obvious she knew i didnt wanna hear abour it and that i never want to hear about that.

my dad. he was in a gang. chose drugs and fucking other bitches high rather then to have his daughter by his side. karma caught him though and he went to jail but he came out six months ago. i don't hate him. i just hate the fact that he hasn't bothered to call in these sixteen years. i tried to look at this situation in a healthy perspective but the feeling of being unwanted while being depressed hasn't made my part of view in this situation good nor healthy.

"he shouldn't have waited sixteen years." i stop folding the clothes. anxiety started to creep onto me so i started fidgeting my fingers.

"at the end of the day Lucy he's still your dad and you can't change that."

i keep quiet as i feel darkness fuel my body and my chest feeling heavier by every second.

i felt miserable, alone.

yet,
my mom,
she kept on singing,
singing while the rain falls.