lucy, i'm drunk

III

- take care -
[ lucy's pov ]

"oh my god lucy, that boy there is so cute." joanne says showing the dealer i met three months ago.

i saw him a couple of times in the train and i'd always see him staring but then when i'd look back he'd be smiling. i felt some butterflies but theres so many things wrong about this which made me realize why i cant just dive in.

the dealer is three years older than me. you might say its not a lot and thats only three years but the way a sixteen year old thinks is so much different then how a nineteen year old thinks. im a sophmore, hes already done with high school. im entering my life as a teenager while hes entering a life of adulthood. plus, it's a case.

"where are you going to sit?" she asks me. i was looking around for places to sit at and then i feel chris looking at me. i looked back at him and quickly look away making my heart beat quickly.

when i tried to leave because i'm an awkward fuck i heard his voice "lucy!"

fuck.
i turned around and unconsciously i smiled. "heyy."

"how are you?" he casually asks as he fixed his black beanie. he was cute. he had a black hoodie, a black vans beanie, black sweatpants and the classic vans shoes every person is wearing.

his friends were around him and they were all looking at me confused as why i'm at their table. i slowly started to feel uncomfortable.

"im great.... how about you all?" i try my best to hide that i'm socially awkward.

they all had an answer but chris didn't.

joanne called for my name and we sat on a table across him and we ate.

fifteen minutes later i look at chris and he's sitting alone. he caught me staring at him so he comes over to our seat.

"our last train leaves in five minutes, you going with me?"

i was already done eating so i hugged joanne and left her. while walking with him towards the train station i thought he would leave me alone but he stayed by my side.

we encountered a drunk guy. he was cute but totally wasted.

"Yo Chris!!! Tell your girl to come ova heree!!!" the drunk man shouts out.

i roll my eyes as chris talks to the guy "nah fam, she not for you."

we were still walking "how come you always ignore me when i wanted to hang out with you?" he asks.

"you know, i dont like people and i just simply dont like communicating." i say.

"but somehow you're talking to me..." he laughs as we enter a train that was almost empty but there were only five grandmas there.

"i dont know, i think probably because you seem pretty chill..." while i say that he smiles to himself. there was a silence then the train started moving towards where we needed to go.

"these past few years ive never seen you even though we live in the same building, ive never even seen your shadow. it's so weird that we know each other just now." he looks at me confused.

his beanie fell down on the floor so he got it and came back up smiling.

"i have this thing where im just a magnet for ignorant people, especially living in a town full of white people."

"thats not a bad thing, i mean you're one of the most beatiful girls ive ever seen, id also stare if you were a stranger."

"im not beautiful." i look down because i truly feel like that.

i don't say that i feel ugly only to get compliments. i say that because when i look at myself in the mirror i truly see a person that i don't want to be. i feel disgusted by myself and i don't feel happy. i'm not satisfied by my looks or my personality. i feel like i'm a shallow person but even though i am insecure i always try to portray myself as a confident girl. i lie to myself everyday that i am confident. it doesnt work eighty percent at times but when it does it truly makes me feel happy.

i look back at him and he looks up to the ceiling and rolls his eyes.

"dont roll your eyes on me..." i laugh.

"nahh for real b, you're gorgeous so stop thinking like that." he looks at me licking his lips making butterflies go to my tummy.

twenty minutes of conversation came by and he surprisingly didnt stop talking to me. he kept on saying that im really interasting and ive noticed the way he thinks and i've never seen anyone talk this way.

the last station came and chris and i went out.

"this conversation is interesting i wanna see where it'll go..." he says while walking me home which was weird to me because he kept on saying how after this station hes going right to a club and get drunk as fuck.

we walked and we were standing in front of my building talking more about stuff.

"i cant wait to go to this club bruh." he says.

"take care." i say.

he laughs because i probably told him to take care after a million times.

"why do you want me to take care, you dont even know me? if you were the one going, i know you're a goodie and because I trust YOU id tell you good luck and have fun." he says almost as hes annoyed.

"because i dont get that from people, but when i get it i feel like somebody cares. and right now im showing you that i care. i dont want you doing stupid shit becuase lets be honest you know how wild this city can become into. i care about you and i dont want something bad happening to you.... and i say this as a friend." the whole time while i was saying that i was looking anywhere accept his eyes.

there was this silence then i looked at him while he was smiling. he winked at me then hugged me.

"well, you take care also..." he said.

we seperated "i love talking to you, whenever you wanna hang out or talk im always here." he says.

i smile and thank him then i enter the building smiling at myself.

theres this thing about him...