Boy. 17. Lost.
Aaron is at his last year in high school when he sees his reflection in the mirror and cries. His whole life is a mess, with him always fighting with his thoughts. Depression has always been in his bloodstream, with dark clouds circl...
Aaron wakes up earlier than the birds today. It's still dark outside, and with sleepy eyes, he walks over to one corner of the room where he turns on the lights. The only room in the entire street that's awake.It's the first morning after he stepped out in the world and did something. He tears a paper from the same notebook and shifts it onto his lap as he sits beside the window. As the dew rolls down from the window, Aaron looks outside, breathing in the fresh dry air of the morning. When the dew drop finally reaches the surface, Aaron wonders why he is with a paper in the first place. His mind goes blank. What was he even preparing for?
He puts the paper away and unplugs the laptop and places it on his lap, pushing the power button. The desktop appears, and the wallpaper makes Aaron stare at the screen for longer, without doing anything. It features a deep ocean, somewhere light couldn't reach. A man is trapped, swinging his arms against the vivacity of the water but it's of no use. He feels the burning of his lungs, the blurring of his vision, the escaping of his soul. When buried alive six feet under the ground, he is feeling like drowning 60 feet under the ocean, where no one can hear his soul scream.
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He shakes his thoughts off, and he is glad he's mastering it. He opens Pinterest, and his homepage displays similar pictures. He closes his eyes out of disbelief, and signs out immediately without thinking twice, looking away. He opens a new account, and pulls up new searches like 'Travel', 'Aesthetic pics' , ' Beautiful Art' , ' Life', 'friends'.
Friends.
His eyes go wild over the plethora of heart-filling pictures, all so full of life and colorful. At some point, he touches the screen, on those pictures, with dreamy eyes like those in his dream before. As darkness fades, as the sun peeks through the blue of the dawn, he wonders how life could be, if only he was someone else...someone who could find fun in everything...someone who could step up and talk to people instead of talking to his brain, someone who could 'chill' when he is among people; and smile and laugh and dance whole-heartily to the rhythm. When this seems too impossible a reality, he shuts the world with his eyes and tries to sleep.
He wakes up 6 hours later, to a message.
'Aaron? Meet me up after my afternoon shift at 4. I-70 Diner . Got somethin important...'
And the name makes Aaron's heart leap to his throat.
Aaron throws a Cheetos into his mouth as he leans on a vehicle , eyeing the exit of the Diner. The parking lot's empty; either the League games are delayed for another week, or it's just another lazy Sunday. Before the clock even hits 3:50, Neha exits the diner, her usual Biker jacket resting on her shoulder. She unclips her bun just as Aaron looks away.
''Chill. Malcolm's away to a hangout''. She says, her eyes rolling.
''Ya sure.''
They walk half way down the street without speaking a word, and Neha finally breaks the silence with ''Wow, it's unusually quiet today''.
''Ya..I guess.''
''So like...'' . Neha begins as she wraps her arm around her. '' Irina called me today.''
Aaron's walking slows down, but he still manages to catch up to her.
''Why?''
Neha inserts a coin into a vending machine nearby, and as the drink rolls down, she says, without looking at him, '' I guess you know why ''.
She motions Aaron to take the drink but he denies. As he notices her still eyes at him, he takes it without a question.
'' Irina found a paper along with her bookmark. It was written something about being a highlight or something. Irina said a big 'Thank you' to me afterwards. ''
Aaron hardly manages to gulp the drink.
'' No name was mentioned, but I know it was you. You were the only person that went downstairs and probably the only person in the world to have finished his bathroom activity this fast.''
Aaron remembers how he hopped and skipped up the stairs, inundated with excitement.
'' Listen, you are already on the blacklist in our group for hitting on Irina before. No offense. ''
'' None taken''. Aaron is about to puke all the orange juice out.
'' Thing is...you have your story too. Spill it. Everything. ''
He lets out a prolonged breath.
'' My life was, and is still, shit. I talk to myself like 24/7, even in sleep. Good or bad, I live upon my thoughts and feelings. These feelings are like..my everything...but they are killing me slowly. It's like being a servant of a witch; you are bound to serve her, to survive. And I can't let go of these feelings.''
''Hmmn'' says Neha, looking down in profound seriousness.
'' When I was at the verge of annihilation, I met Irina. She was the first person to ever talk to me, willingly that is. Afterwards...''
He takes the last sip and empties the can.
'' ...when I got introduced to the gang, it felt like I was beginning to live, ya know. Like...there can be a different life than just thinking and thinking.''
A moment of silence from Aaron, and Neha uses it.
''True that. But you seem so...I dunno...far away. Very intimidated, even if you don't show it.''
As Aaron stays silent a little longer, they both watch the sun go down past the fields, while the street lights begin to appear.
'' Maybe. I dream of a new life, and I don't know how I will ever settle in with you guys.''
Aaron tries to release all his angst by crashing the can between his palm, but some feelings still remain.
'' I understand. You know...just as every master was once a beginner, everyone in our group were just acquaintances. Take Zack, for an example. When he made his entry at the 6th grade, everyone mocked him for being so tall and dumb.''
Neha finishes her can and dumps it in a bin nearby.
'' But he stayed who he really was: a sweet guy with a friendly and cozy personality. Soon, in the 7th grade, he was known to be ' The Zack of all trades' for being friends with nearly everybody and participating heartily at everything. ''
They both look down, one nodding to the other's words.
'' As Ashley joined the school , it was a matter of days until Zack claimed her his. Think of that: from a nobody to being the boyfriend of the school's lead cheerleader.''
Aaron rubs his face and thinks about this. Zack has been the man who was living Aaron's dream. And to think of that, they were in the car together, sitting side by side.
'' Will I ever be someone in the gang?''. He asks, his voice partially sounding desperate.
''You will, but first you have to stop feeling like a nobody. And of course, stop being so formal, will you?''
As Neha nudges Aaron while grinning, he feels it.
Friendship.
By the time a smile appears on Aaron's face, Neha is already walking to the other direction. Aaron wonders why, just as he notices the mailbox under the name 'Mallik'. Neha turns about and waves a 'goodbye' , and Aaron is off to his house, amidst the dark street illuminated by the dim street lights and gleaming houses. He stuffed the crashed can into his pocket instead of throwing it away, and when at home, keeps it safely in the drawer.
