To Express Happiness || Fayne ✔✔

~Author's Note~

Hello. This is Adnan Rizvi. I'm also Fayne by my pen-name, and the author of this book.

Well....my life story has been a lot different than others. I started and ended my school life in a not-so-very-good way. Although there were good memories, I still regret a lot of things, and it's all my fault. Depression has consumed me all throughout my school life, and so I have no one to blame but myself.

I was at the edge of my school life, still no hopes for living until one day, I met a girl at my new school. As I was from a different school...I had problems mixing up with the other students. I thought I didn't deserve the friendship, and needed to improve by altering myself. Later, even when she wanted to be friends, i rejected because depression got the best of me and I lost confidence in myself. I had weird feelings for her, and I dreamed so many things that were seriously Wattpad worthy. She was like my crush, but something deeper. I was afraid to become friends with her, given that any mistakes will cost me a lot. I used to have 1 to 1 discussions with her as her classmate, and told stuffs deeper than pick-up lines (LOL). I really wanted her to feel what I felt for her, without being friends.

Believe me, if I had a time machine, I wouldn't go anywhere else but go to those moments and correct them. Later I regret the fact that, as friends I could've been her close, closest. Things got hella complicated, and I spent weeks crying for it. Soon nobody cared about those feelings, and people just walked on. It's a usual thing, because the world waits for nobody. 

I had my board exams this May and I had to be practical and continue with daily life. Practical life hit me hard, and I was out of track socializing with people. The feelings still  stung me, because in practical life, I was not close to her and it was too late. I shut myself with these feelings and life soon became unbearable and not meaningful ;  these feelings were of no use, and I wasn't too.

But....

There is a saying from Superman's Man of Steel:

''People don't like what they don't understand''.

At some point, there was no point in living...but then I realized...if I die...these feelings die with me. I have something the world doesn't know, but has to know. I had to continue with practical life; socialize and learn how to survive in this world. 

Because, If I keep on being sad and expect someone to correct this sadness, I'm wrong.

You have to be practical. Believe me when I say, practical life doesn't suck, we do. Yes, it's hard; but it's our last option. People will believe in what you do, not what you think. If you stay there, depending on people and suicide hotlines, then there is absolutely no hope for you. Don't be persuaded by depression pills or seminars and sht, because they all say the same thing. You have to go with the flow, and you have to make yourself public if you truly want to live in this open world and not a cage.If you feel something, don't just store it inside you, let it be known. You are wasting your time talking to yourself. Nothing will happen if you don't do anything, right?

At the end of this story, Aaron is a successful writer who also spends time alone in a cafeteria and at the same time socializes with people. However, he has not forgotten his feelings for Irina, and hasn't kept it deep inside him. He has opened a charity on her name, and prays for her every day. There are some feelings, however, that can never be expressed or felt by anyone but the individual, and in this case, it's Aaron. Hence, this explains all the marriage proposals that he disposed of. 

Yes, with that, I will say that there are some emotions you can't express, but these emotions are who we truly are. If we don't have secret emotions, do we even have a personality of our own?

So, the basic thing is, stop thinking and start doing. No one's waiting for you. If you don't let yourself out, no one will come to you and forcefully let it out. Make yourself known. The first step will be hard, but it's worth it! 

Thank you!

Fayne.