Living is hard- dying is easy.You close your eyes and never open them back up again. What’s so difficult about that? Nothing really - except it hurts like hell to those you leave behind.
-Austin-
I should have let well enough alone. My doctor would’ve told me I was playing with things that I should just forget about. After all, he’d say, ‘how much time do you have?’. I was damn sick of hearing him say that. Ridiculous. Even my father was tired of the doctors. Then again, I was tired of them when I was eight when my brother didn’t wake up from his situation. I was tire of them when I was seventeen and they told me my mom wasn’t going to make it through surgery.
Some people believe our family is cursed. After all, you can’t have that much power and fortune without suffering the consequences. WHen I was in Sunday school my teacher told us that tragedy happens to keep us relying on the greater good.
Bullshit.
How much more trusting does this ‘greater good’ need me to be? I’ve lost everything, and in the last year almost my reputation and baseball career, all because I said no.
It’s funny how no one talks about boys being taken advantage of.
I clutched the phone in my hands. I had his number. Jesus, I was such a creep for searching the school system for his phone number. But did I regret it? Not one bit.
Poor Alan already thought I was stalking him, probably wouldn’t help my case if I called him up to say “Hi”. Wow. I’m such a loser. I’d never had any trouble getting girls, much less guys. In fact, I’d felt a bit gun shy after last year.
My entourage helped though. I only called them that because it made them sound cooler.
A knock sounded on the door, and I stood up to answer it but didn’t get the chance. Alex strolled into the room and threw my prescription on the table. “How’s it going?” He asked.
“Fine, Alex” I lied. I quickly hid the piece of paper with Alan’s number on it.
“You feeling okay?” He inquired, pointing a flashlight into my eyes. I slapped it away.
“I said I’m fine.” I stood up, and for a second I felt dizzy. That’s what I get for standing up so fast. “Where’s Jack?”.
“Out.” Alex sighed, seemingly bored of asking me a million questions. “He’ll be there to walk you from practice.You can walk, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course I can walk. I’m not drunk or anything.”
“You stood up too fast,” he observed, “have you been feeling dizzy recently? Out of breath?” he asked after pulling out his notepad and writing a few things on it.
Does a ginger boy count for taking my breath away? What would Alex have to say about that?
“My dad plays you to keep me sane, not to nurse me.” I said irritably.
Alex’s eyes narrowed. “You look pale.” He stated.
“Shit.” I rubbed my face with my hands. “can’t we just have one normal moment where we aren’t talking about my father, or money, or my future-”
Alex held up his hand. “I get it. Sorry, Austin.”
I felt bad, but irritated all over again. I’d been on edge for months now, and I knew that was just another thing Alex would write down on his notepad for my father to see when he asked for my report.
Alex’s eyes scanned the room. “It looks nice” he said, gesturing around my space.
“No small talk” I said. “My room is clean and approachable, like it’s supposed to be. I am an RA, you know.” I half smiled.
Alex laughed dryly. “Yeah, and I’m the queen of England.”
“Right.” I grabbed my keys and phone. “we’re going to a party tonight.”
“We?” Alex raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, you, me and Jack are going. I need to meet the rest of the student in the dorm, and they way to do that is not to stay up here holed away like some sick-” The words died in my throat. I bit my lower lip and allowed the dizziness to pass over me again. “I’m gonna go work out.” I said.
“Should you be-”
I interrupted Alex. “It’s all I have left. I’m not going to quit baseball too. You can write that down on my report for my father to see. My career is baseball. It helps me, and so does the music. The only reason I’ve stayed in college this long is to keep everyone happy, but now that-” Again, I cut myself off, not wanting to continue the sentence. Instead I just shook my head.
“I understand.” Alex said grimly. With a jerky nod, he followed me out into the elevator. I needed to sweat off the stress of the day. I also needed to stop thinking about a beautiful boy with pretty eyes and even more beautiful hair. I wondered what it would be like to run my fingers through it. He was so small. What would it be like to hold him?
He was the first person I let touch me since Gielle. Not that I’d actually let him touch me. It was more like he plowed into me. But when he did, I didn’t flinch away. Instead I wanted more. Well clearly I wanted more, considering I’d basically stalked him for the past few hours. Probably not the way to go about things.
The elevator door opened with a ding. I walked out with Alex and people stared, like, really stared. You think I would be used to it, but no. I hated every second of it. People always seem to want something from me. FUnny, because I’d give my left leg to be the guy in the lobby picking his nose, or even the girl with glasses and buckteeth. Not because I hated life. Quite the opposite. I loved life.
I walked on, Jack appearing and flanking me with Alex. A couple of guys raised their phones to take pictures, and one appeared to faint. Got the same treatment from a couple of girls too.
Yep. That’s my life.
My life....
(A/N): I'm back from my cousin's! But homework is beating the shit out of me, so like I cry so yeah fun tiemzzzz
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Ruin (boyxboy)
Fanfiction"I'm sick, Alan, really sick." Sometimes when you think it's the end, it's only the beginning. Austin thought he could save me, but in giving me everything, he ruined me. Because after one kiss, one touch, I couldn't - I wouldn't ever be the same. E...
