Ruin (boyxboy)

Don't be Dead

        Ten hours? What was I supposed to do for ten hours? Pray? I was praying. I was trying not to cry and Aaron was trying to cheer me up by telling me embarrassing stories of Tino's childhood — not helpful, but he was trying.

-Alan-

After five hours, I was ready to go crazy. They said the surgery could take anywhere from ten to twelve hours.

 Bob said that if the doctors came out within the first hour it wasn't good news. It meant it was inoperable, but he had high hopes, so the minute we were out of the woods after the first two hours had passed, I relaxed a bit. I looked at the clock again. It was noon. By Five, I should have Austin back in my arms, hurting, but at least alive.

 I closed my eyes and concentrated on his kisses, slowly falling asleep to the memory of his heart rhythm.

 When I woke everyone had gone, I was alone in the corridor. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, a horrible feeling about Austin. Something was wrong.

 "Can you hear me? Alan?” His voice was so close, maybe if I closed my eyes it would seem more real. I reached up to touch his face., but I couldn’t feel anything.

 So it’s true. He was gone. It really happened.

 I blinked a couple of times to see what was in front of me. It looked like him, but he was too blurry, too far away. And why was I lying on the ground?

 "Come back to me!" I let out a loud scream in frustration.

 His mouth moved as he spoke softly. "Not like this, Alan. Not like this, baby." His eyes flared with need. "Everything is going to be just fine. I promise."

 But it wasn't fine. I knew it. He knew it.

 He was gone — and I was hallucinating.

I’d lost the love of my life, my best friend. How many times could someone suffer from loss before they too passed away? Before the aching hole in their heart consumed them?

 Memories flooded my consciousness, memories of my parents, memories of him playing baseball, memories of all the notes he gave me.

 Memories of our first kiss, our final time together.

 And then the hospital.

 We hadn't been given enough time — and I hated the universe, fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it. I hated it for taking him away from me, for taking everyone from me. I hated that in the end, I would always be alone to mourn the loss of those I loved, alone in every possible way.

 I reached for him one last time. But this time, my fingers came in contact with warm skin.

I shook my head, a heartbreaking sob escapes my mouth. "Austin no! Don't be dead, please, don't be dead."

 He smiles at me, his face looking soft, at peace.

 "This is all some kind of dream right?"

 Well, if it was a dream, I was going to enjoy the way his smile lit up the room. His lips touched my forehead.

 I closed my eyes and prayed for me to be taken as well.

 Because I knew the moment I woke up, I'd have to say goodbye all over again, and this time I wasn't sure I'd ever heal from the experience of that one word leaving my lips.

 Goodbye. Whoever invented that word should burn in Hell.

 Aaron hit me in the arm. I woke up with a jump, my eyes stinging. A doctor was walking toward us. His head down. I look at the clock, I had only been asleep for ten minutes. He's still only been in surgery for five hours. It was too soon.

 No! No! I knew it was too soon for him to be briefing us! My heart faltered and then thundered against my chest as I gripped Aaron's hand and waited for the news.

 The doctor smiled when Bob stood. Smiling was good right? I took a deep breath.

 I would have felt it if Austin's heart stopped beating, I would have known in my soul — he was still with us, he had to be.

 But that dream...

 "It's the strangest thing…" The doctor shook his head. "The surgery's finished."

 "Why is that strange?" Bob asked.

 "His tumor." The doctor seemed to be having trouble forming words. "When we looked at it a few days ago, it was the size of the palm of my hand." He held up his hand.

 "Somehow over the course of the last few days, it shrunk to the size of a small plum."

 "I'm sorry, what?" Mike blinked a few times. I could tell he was trying not to cry.

 "The cancer's gone," the doctor said slowly. "It was only in that one location, very near to his heart, but operable. We removed the tumor without any complications. Your son…" The doctor's voice shook and he drew a tremulous breath. "Your son will live to be a very old man, and have a long happy life."

 Aaron held me as I collapsed against his chest in thankful sobs.

 "When can we see him?" Bob asked, his voice hoarse.

 "He's still asleep." The doctor smiled. "I don't know if it was the drugs finally kicking in, or just a miracle. I've worked in the field of oncologic thoracic surgery for fifteen years and never seen anything like it. We'll be examining all the drugs your son took to see if there's something to the combination that shrinks tumors in their final stages."

 "Alright." Bob held out his hand, and the doctor shook it. "Thank you, thank you for everything."

 "It was my pleasure." The doctor nodded to us and walked off.

 I couldn't see through my tears. Aaron's body shook against mine. I thought he was crying and then I looked up. He was laughing so hard I thought he was doing to pass out.

 "What's wrong with you?" I pushed against him.

 "That bastard made me promise to be his best man." Aaron laughed even louder. "He would live—" Aaron wiped his eyes. "—just to see me in a tux."

 I joined in the laughter. Tino rose from his chair and grabbed my hand in his.

 Relief, that's all I felt, relief that he was going to be okay, that we were going to be together. I had to keep myself from running into that operating room and throwing my body against his.

 He was alive. The love of my life was waiting for me.

 Holy crap. I was getting married in a year.

Now it was my turn to laugh.

(A/N): YAY! AUSTIN DIDN'T DIE! This isn't the end of the story though, there's like 2 chapters left, and I have to write some smut as a bonus chapter <3

I own nothing that may be recognized, and basically all credit goes to Rachel Van Dyken.