Daisy: You and Coulson need to bone.
May: Excuse me, I am your S.O.
May, five minutes later: BONE?
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Daisy: So I just found this cool new drug-
May and Coulson: WHAT? DAISY IT'S BAD-
Daisy: It's called, "Your relationship", and I'm high on it.
Coulson: Well in that case. . . wait WHAT?
———————— -:x:- ————————
Coulson: About a month ago, May and I got married.
The bus kids: And?
Coulson: wow I thought you'd be a little more shocked
The bus kids: Oh sorry, AND?
———————— -:x:- ————————
Julie Coulson: Melinda, would you do me the honor of becoming my daughter-in-law?
Phil: Did you just propose to her for ME?
Julie Coulson: SOMEONE HAD TO DO IT
———————— -:x:- ————————
Daisy *bursts into room*: You two ARE having sex!
Coulson *looks up*: We are? May, why didn't you tell me? I would've put my Ipad down.
———————— -:x:- ————————
Coulson *angrily lounging on a couch*: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.
Daisy: Are you all right, AC?
Coulson: No, May stole my jar of cookies!
———————— -:x:- ————————
Coulson: When have I ever done something stupid and irresponsible?
May: Do you want the list in chronological or alphabetical order?
———————— -:x:- ————————
Coulson: I lost, like, 5 pounds.
Random Stranger: Oh my god, what is your secret?!
Coulson: ...I got my hand cut off.
———————— -:x:- ————————
Jemma: *eating a cinnamon roll*
Daisy: Cannibalism.
Jemma: *innocent, confused chewing noises*
———————— -:x:- ————————
Baby!Daisy: Why does Mama wear makeup?
Phil: To look pretty.
Daisy: But she's already so pretty.
Phil *picking Daisy up, grinning*: Oh, Sweetie. Truer words were never sai-
Daisy: Dada, you should wear makeup.
Phil: . . .
———————— -:x:- ————————
Daisy: *swiping air between May and Coulson with her gauntlets*
May: What are you doing?
Daisy: Trying to cut the sexual tension between you two
Daisy: It isn't working.
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May: I hate you with every inch of my being.
Ward: That's not a lot of inches.
———————— -:x:- ————————
Melinda: You're rusty.
Phil: You're chaotic.
Melinda: Idiot.
Phil: Stupid.
Melinda: Dimwit.
Phil: Mrs. Coulson.
Melinda: WHAT?
Phil: What?
———————— -:x:- ————————
Jemma: I'm so happy I could kiss you!
Fitz: umm. . . neat!
[Later]
Fitz, lying face down on his bed: I can't believe I said "neat", Coulson. "Neat". Nobody says neat anymore. It's the 21st century. It's not neat to say neat, but I'm a huge loser.
Coulson: hey, don't beat yourself up. Everyone gets nervous Sometimes. Remember what happened when May confessed to me?
Fitz: didn't you stare blankly at her like an idiot until you kissed her on an alien ship under a hail of bullets only to pass out on the way home and scare her half to death before you invited her on a one-on-one romantic vacation and died?
Coulson, staring into the distance: I stared blankly at her like an idiot until I kissed her on an alien ship under a hail of bullets, only to pass out on the way home and scared her half to death before I invited her on a one-on-one romantic vacation and died.
———————— -:x:- ————————
Jemma, on the Zephyr floor: can i just throw myself out of the airlock and float in space, until death comes for me eventually?
May, sighing: you can't keep saying that, or hide in my room every time Fitz flirts with you
Jemma: Remember that time Coulson smiled at you and you tried saying 'you have a pretty smile' but also 'I like your eyes' so you yelled out "you have eyes" and then you ran away to hide in your room?
May: *slowly joins Jemma on the floor*
———————— -:x:- ————————
Daisy (to May): That outfit looks dope! And I bet it would look even better on Coulson's floor.
Coulson: Are you...hitting on May...for me?
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Phil: Melinda sometimes talks in her sleep - it's adorable.
Melinda *mumbling, asleep*: Fight me... you friggin idiot... square up... I think the hell not...
———————— -:x:- ————————
Coulson: Dying so many times makes you really appreciate the question, "What is the meaning of life?" Nobody can ask a deeper question.
Fitz: Do deaf people hear their thoughts?
Jemma: Are emotions linked to ego or experience?
Daisy: Is it morally okay to put "do not touch" in Braille?
Coulson:
Coulson: Okay look I didn't ask you guys-
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Yeah so there you go. All the Incorrect Quotes I've ever made.
YOU ARE READING
PHILINDA STUFF - And A Lot Of Other Random Stuff I Wanna Publish
RandomLegit what the title says. In other words, a bunch of fangirly rants, ships, art, OCs, ideas, theories, and crap like that. And probably a lot of Agents of SHIELD, Star Wars, and MingNa Wen (*scream* SHE'S MY HERO!!!!!!)
