May 2019
It gets hard when you’re all I think about, but i’m probably the least of your concern.
Simula noong nagkaproblema ka, you changed. Maybe, because of the pain you've felt. It's like, kinulong mo ang sarili mo. Kaya everytime na nag-uusap tayo, minsan hindi kita maramdaman. Minsan nga need pang masaktan ako para ibalik yung tayo. Magsasabi ako sayo pag nasasaktan ako, then magsosorry ka, then may konting changes tas ayun babalik uli sa dati na madalang mag-usap. Parang, okay nalang sakin na dull yung convo kesa naman sa hindi kita makausap. Palagi kitang iniisip, iniisip ko kung okay kana ba talaga. Hindi ka naman kasi nagsasabi sakin, lmao I understand of course, like duh i'm just, me. Sino ba ako para magreklamo sayo? Maybe, sometimes, i'm not the one who you need, the one who you'll gonna text when you're sad, you wanna hug coz i'm so far, you wanna talk the first thing you woke up, and the person who you gonna talk when you are about to sleep. Galing ng talent ko noh? Mag-overthink. Maybe, I'm not your first priority, and probably not your obligation tho. Of course, girlfriend lang ako, naiintindihan ko naman.
Maybe because, I feel sorry sobra, kasi if you feel sad wala ako sa tabi mo to comfort you. I feel bitter kaso wala akong magawa kundi ichat ka lang, hindi kita mayakap sa personal bat ba kasi ang layo ko. Sana katabi mo lang ako, para if you need someone, nasa tabi mo lang ako.
This month was painful for the both of us. These past few days was hard.
I also have so much emotional turmoil bottled up inside me. Nag ka problema din ako, sobrang laki. I failed in my two major subjects, that time feel ko sobrang walang kwenta kong tao. Napakabobo ko. Putangina I cried hard not because of my grades, but because of my parents. Sobrang down ko noong panahong to. Nagsabay-sabay, problema sayo, problema natin, lalo na ang problema ko, sa grades ko at sa iisipin ng magulang ko sakin. Would you believe it? May times na, I would hold a blade and thinking of cutting myself? I'm only 18, but I wanna sleep for the rest of my life. Ang hirap kasi, sobrang sakit na feeling ko muntik na akong madepressed. Ang hina ko sa part na to I know, you may think na ang babaw ko para saktan ang sarili ko. Ako din, naisip ko na lalo akong bobo pag ginawa ko yun. I remembered my doctor said to me "your pain tolerance is low". Now I know kung bakit sa dali kong pasayahin, ganun din kadali akong masaktan. That time, I just need your love, your support kasi feel ko mababaliw ako kakaisip sa problema ko. I just need you, to calm me down. Nagiging irrational kasi ako mag-isip pag sobrang nasasaktan, I remembered the time na muntik ko ng isuko yung tayong dalawa. Kasi why not? I failed on my two subjects, and kaya siguro tayo nagiging ganito kasi I also failed as your girl. Gusto ko ng sumuko. I told you, that dealing with me would be a very bad decision. Gusto kong iwan mo nalang ako. But i'm always surprised that hindi mo ako sinukuan. You were there to cheer me up.
Thank you, for being with me when I needed someone the most. For not giving me up when i'm starting to lose myself. And for being my man, when I feel like i'm done being your woman. Baby, mahal mo parin ba ako kahit maubos ang lahat ng dahilan kung bakit minamahal mo ako?
Ang dami kong narealized in our relationship.
I'm used to give love because I wanted to and that's what I love. I don't give love to be loved. I'm used to accept and not to expect too much, because if you love someone you'll love even his own imperfection.
You just don't give up on someone you really love. Even they hurt you, more than they make you happy. You choose to be with them, to stay, because you love them so much.
Saw you at your worst pero mas minahal kita, pinahirapan mo'ko pero mahal pa rin kita, lahat ng ginagawa mong nakakasakit minsan sakin tinatanggap ko positively. Kahit minsan parang hindi na masaya, kahit puro problema, kakayanin ang lahat wag ka lang mawala.
You won't know you love a person if you, guys, never experienced challenges. Those things should make you both stronger, not surrender.
Because a true relationship requires choosing to love each other, even in those moments when you struggle to keep each other.
Hindi naman lagi masaya, hindi porke't malungkot na at madami ng problema, valid reason na yun para sumuko ka. Kakambal na ng saya ang sakit, normal lang yun. Kasi bakit ka ba nagmamahal? For what? To feel so much happiness? But how about if puro sakit nalang? Aayaw kana agad? Relationship is not always about living in so much glee, kilig, o sarap lang. We need to remember that it's one a hella roller coaster ride, but a worth fucking feeling. Kasi paano kung naubos ang lahat ng dahilan kung bakit mo mahal ang isang tao? Paano yun? Hindi mo na sya mahal ganun? Itigil nalang ganun ba? Pag pakiramdam mong sumusuko na ang isa sa inyo, susuko kana rin ba? Sometimes, when you feel like your partner is slowly loosening into your grip, and when you felt like you're about to lose him. Think thoroughly. Would you be happy if that happened? Pababayaan mo bang hayaan syang umalis at sumuko, ng hindi ka manlang lumalaban? Ipaglaban mo yung "kayo", hangga't mahal mo ipaglaban mo. Eh ano kung ikaw nalang ang lumalaban? Atleast you did your very best to fight for your relationship. Hindi ka magsisisi sa huli because you did that to the person who you love the most.
Love is therefore a decision, not just a feeling.
