June 2018
I still remember that exact month.
I'm thinking of a new experience, new adventure to change my usual routine every summer. Natural naman yun sa isang teenager na katulad ko. Nakikiuso, naghahanap ng bago sa paningin nila, mahilig sa adventure.
And I guess leaving on your usual comfort zone, could make some changes.
Well for me
It did.
Internet love? Long distance?
Didn't know that'd be my cup of tea.
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June 16, 2018.
I met you.
I've always like your name.
Correct me if i'm wrong, but I remember you being "topless, half-naked, uhm okay hot" on your profile picture, looking so fine. Yup so, to sum it all, i'm single and well i'm not sure if you are that time haha I stalked you, I always do that before I talk to someone. I saw your posts, and I'm sure that time, there's something on it that makes me interested. So yeah, I hit you up. Landi moves. I remember my excused just to start a good conversation with you.
"Survey lang po? Ilan po abs mo hehe"
I guess something like that haha. And i'm surprised at your witty answer. Akala ko snob mo lang ako eh. And that was the start of our conversation. At first, I thought, you're just like the typical guy out there. Fuckboy. That's my first impression to you. Well, you can't blame me! Yes, you're witty, you're fun to be with, you didn't bore me to death, you always laugh at my silly and nonsense jokes, you always ride my trip and craziness, yes you're not the snob guy, but YOU'RE the NAUGHTIEST person i've ever met! Ghad you know how to lure a woman! And okay, you fucking got me there. Nadala mo ako dun ugh.
For days that we constant communicate, I had a slight crush on you. Who wouldn't want someone like you? Crushable ka eh.
You were bad for my health.
But as what i've said, you're a fuckboy boooo! Well that time, I know i'm just a friend to you and well you slightly are for me (jusko day crush kita, so don't expect me to be okay with just a "friend" to you).
And, the frustrating part came. I heard, or I saw that you have a girlfriend that time. I remember her. Nisstalk kita. Aba sinong hindi sstalk ang crush nya? Well it saddened me before that you're in a relationship. And to think that you have a girl now and might shortened the chance to talk to you. Kasi feel ko talaga hindi na tayo mag-uusap nun.
I've came up with a desperate and a not so good idea. I made you my kuya.
Yes, tinanong kita kung pwede ba kitang maging kuya. Tanda mo yung kasabihan na, kapag tinawag ka ng babae na "kuya", meaning may gusto sayo! Well, i'm fine being your sister kesa naman hindi na kita makausap, kasi selosa girlfriend mo at gusto nya ilayo sayo mga babae mo. Well sino nga ba ang gugustuhin na yung boyfriend nila, is surrounding by some bitches? Sorry sya nagpanggap akong kapatid mo.
I'm pathetic isn't it? But I guess, I made the right decision, we became closer.
Well I guess my very first suitor that time, came in the right time. I know it's bad, but yes, maybe I used him. To forget you, forget my fleeting feelings for you and to tell myself that there's still more guys out there. Crush pa lang naman eh.
But maybe I do liked him, siguro natutunan ko din syang gustuhin. But deep down I know, I only liked him as a friend. I don't know. May kulang, pakiramdam ko i'm not happy nor satisfied. And i'm glad to know that he's so controlling, he replies very late, and his family doesn't like me. May issue sa pagiging liberated sa pananamit. Yes, i don't fucking care, i'm more than happy to know that tho. Well, if you can't accept me for who I am, might as well na wag nalang. And isa sya sa naging reason, an excuse, not to be with him. Or maybe, we just don't click. So, tinapos ko ang kung anong meron samin.
Yes, I was a bad girl.
And I didn't say that i'm a good girl either.
So yep, you're there for me.
Comforting me. As if, i'm trully hurt that time.
Telling me that he's not worth it.
That I deserve more. Even tho, it's kinda my fault.
But sadly, y'all did that as my kuya.
