A Story of a Sad Little Boy

chapter 23: summer and rules

Howdy motherfuckers I'm back from my one month grave.

So summer has started which means you don't have to talk to people you don't like but that applies to other people as well. So people who are your friends don't bother to reach out or text back or there busy so you stay inside alone.

It's been a crazy month with testing and graduation and drama and other things that I'm not going to mention here. It's been insane. But with school over I can no longer be told to my face bad things about me and this book. So that's nice.

So in the past month I have spilt some serious beans to people. Some involved the rules in which I live by. One of which is don't show extreme emotions in public, which I've failed at lately. In the last weeks of school I've cried and blown up in anger which are extreme emotions.

So it's a Friday and my crush ( trust me we are something more than good friends now but anyways) was talking about this girl that she liked. I already was having a bad week and that put things over the edge and I had a panic attack in chorus and gym then later at second busers saw their face and them talking to that person and I cried. I have never cried at school before so I was trying to not make it obvious. I failed and got that person worried.

So the next day came and that chorus class was going to Dollywood as a reward for getting a perfect score at MPA so I came up with the rule of as long as no one mentioned romance I would be okay. Being fine didn't last long. We were going to a ride and not only a lot of people joined our group but one of them didn't like my rule and on our way to the rides was holding that persons hand. Now I didn't care that much but it still kinda made me mad but I shook it off and tried to enjoy myself. So for the next part let me just say I get a little hangry after awhile. So it was after lunch and me being a raging lactose intolerant and all they had was cheese products I was a little hungry and tired. So this ass hat that I don't like joined our group and we went and did more stuff . While we where in a line for a ride and that person who didn't like my no romance rule fucking kissed the lovely person I liked. I felt my stomach do flips. My fists balled up and I couldn't think straight but I tried to not show any emotions after the day before so I just walked faster. Later we where all hanging out on the way to decide the next ride and my friend who I have a "bromance" With took my hand, and sso the ass hat was continuing yelling that we hadn't done anything she wanted to do yet so I was getting annoyed. But when my bro of the bromance grabbed my hand the bitch who didn't like my rule and kissed my friend yelled " Ew that's gross". I couldn't hold it in anymore I yelled " Fuck you. You literally just kissed them. So you can't say anything" I then turned to the obnoxious ass hat who was continuing the yelling and told her to shut the fuck up. I may have blown up just a bit. But I then stormed away to the fish bridge where we hung out and tried to pretend nothing happened. Later that day the tiny voices of depression and anxiety came back and had a really bad panic attack on the bus back. I try to forget the bad things that happened that week but they keep coming back to me at like 1 in the morning. But so testing happened and school ended.

I started tech week for Newsies and lost my voice on closing night. I haven't had any motivation to do anything and all my friends have been busy so I haven't done anything. Tech week for Robin Hood starts next week so wish me luck.

All my friends are going through something and although in the last week I've had my share of problems, I've tried not to worry them with my problems and help them instead. In my acts of trying to avoid my problems I've realised the following...
- seasonal depression is what middle aged white moms say to avoid being social
- I really hate summer
- I have been replaced but people who I cared about the most by a person who has royally fucked me over
- I need a job but can't legally get one until next year
- my mom is the cleaning version of an antivax mom
- scientifically I am a horrible person.
- having 100 Hitler's running around would be a bad idea but really cool in a history stand point
- if I'm a Genesis I would make plant people

Now that I have some free time I might update this. But my life will continue on and so will this story.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING. SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED I'VE BEEN BUSY. PLEASE ENJOY YOUR DAY. MAKE SURE TO VOTE AND SHARE. THANK YOU POWER BOTTOMS AND PASSIVE TOPS.
I don't fucking know sorry