Teach Me How To Be Okay

-V-

"y-yes?"

his voice quivered. there was no hiding it now. the over thinking. the rising anxiety. izuru knew it all. he had seen it all before, and it wasnt boring. it was concerning. nagito wasnt fit enough to be called his lover. he was his partner. he was a burden to the highest level, and he only created bigger problems than that of which izuru had resolved. atleast thats how izuru saw it. but this struck him differently. komaeda was shaking. shaking profusely 

"come here" he hushed. komaedas eyes widened momentarily before trudging into izurus arms "enough... please. it's fine. im not going to do anything to hurt you. all that i ask is that you stop this. its pointless. your deprivation is pointless, so enough of it." he muttered

komaeda couldnt stop the tears from falling. for a brief moment, he had forgotten how to breathe, and inhaled so sharply that izuru had to pull him up so he could breathe on his own. it was so sudden. it was so uncalled for, what was the trigger?

"i- im sorry...im so...so...sorry that i- im...boring...so..so predictable"

"you're predictable because you act on impulse komaeda. learn to think about your actions before you decide to recklessly act on them" he sighed.

yes. nagito was predictable. extremely predictable. but it was on those occasional times where he surprised izuru, that kept him interested. did he love nagito? love was a strong word. it was too over the top. he didnt love him. he simply...found him bearable. but love? it had never crossed his mind. intimacy didnt have to be between two people who loved each other, so this wasnt anything different than the usual. well, thats what izuru wanted to believe

"im sorry..." he apologized, repeating the words over and over. izuru softly caressing sickly white strands to remind him just how doomed this boy had been. cursed. the poor creature.

"komaeda its fine..." his voice was quiet and soft, he was so tired. he found the whole situation abnormal but it wasnt impossible for komaeda "....i dont want...to..to be alone right now izuru...ah...kamakura-kun"

izuru would have corrected him by now if he hadnt been mindlessly tossing around "izuru" after just being told to use kamakura.

"i have work to attend to. im not in any state to babysit"

komaeda frowned, fumbling with the strands of white hair that had fallen across his neck

"i dont...know..what to do. it feels like the despair from..from then is...welling up inside me. so much i could go mad." he mumbled before pulling away from izurus touch, that left the taller male oddly empty, but he allowed his hands to fall to his sides "i'll go on my own. im sorry"

"Stop apologizing komaeda. you're just being delusional becuase you're hungry. please eat something, and we can continue our conversation when you've regained your health, which i beg is going to take a while." and izuru would have to contact naegi in case the despair hypnosis from enoshima decided to trigger komaeda into remnant state

"i'll go" komaeda repeated before scurring out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. 

"i seriously worry for his health, for the love of hinata" izuru groaned, rubbing his temples "its absolutely impossible to get anything done with this child. hes still an infant." he continued. 

when the offer arose, nagito hadnt been awake.  he was asleep. he was induced and enveloped so deeply into despair that they could only keep him alive becuase his coma had lasted a year. a whole year, had nagito not woken up, izuru would have easily dismissed his existence entirely.

"it has to be you. in our case, hes not aqquainted with us yet, so the bond that he and i share isnt going to scratch the surface of the state of mind he'll wake up in. you on the other hand, have had him on eye ever since you stepped foot into the simulation, and he'll respond to you due to familiarity" is what naegi had said.