Letters In My Head

Lonely Thursday Morning

I sit here, your favourite band is on through my headphones, I've had this song on repeat now for about an hour, maybe more.

My coping mechanisms, they aren't working anymore.
There's plenty of them, but they just worsen the situation and I'm already exhausted, I honestly just want to go to sleep, I don't want to wake up and face this.

I draft texts after texts, I draw picture after picture, knowing you'll never really see them. But they're there if you ask to.
I can't build up the courage to text this all to you, your face is the one I search for in a crowded room but also the one I cry over at 3 in the afternoon.

Suddenly my world is empty, the seat beside me is cold. Everything we planned to do, everything we wanted to achieve has been taken away by a simple movement, an overreaction. I was so caught up in my own head, not knowing I was locking you out instead of understanding.

Perhaps you don't care, or maybe you really do, whatever the situation Is I really miss you. It's silly right? My self destructive tendencies have ruined what's good and now I'm left in a world where I'm misunderstood.

You understood, stayed up late. The routine we once were in, has crumbled to the ground much like the walls we were built around, and now it's just ash, tiny specs of dust that once existed now barely grazing my fingertips on this lonely Thursday morning.

After all the trauma I've been put through, the thing that hurt the most was loosing you.