There are no stars tonight, not a single one in sight and i'm staring out of the window with the window wide open wondering how it would feel to jump out of it and leave my phone behind because everything is so toxic all of a sudden and I just want to be alone. I think up excuses, I create images in my head to give myself a false sense of happiness that I am not meant to be able to break but I manage to anyway.
Every word that I have ever been called in the street, on the internet where I am supposed to be able to loose myself in my poetry or loose myself in a virtual book terrorise me and somehow harassment follows. I could be tucked up in bed with the covers taped to the floor yet i'd still have to face it when I open the door or when I unlock my phone that has my favourite photo as a lock-screen because i'm running out of options, running out of energy and suddenly I need something to remind me of the good days even though I don't really remember them and all I know is how it feels to be used by so many people but not letting any of them close enough to hurt you but, somehow they manage it, but i'll keep telling them i'm okay, i'll keep telling them that things get better when they really don't because their life is worth much more then mine because my voice is silenced. Who wants to love someone who lives in silence?
The clouds have covered most of the sky and the air is chilly, i'm cold. They'll tell me to get a blanket but they don't understand I am not cold by the chilly breeze, I am cold with a heart of stone because I am so tired of being broken, abused, used and taken advantage of. A blanket won't fix this. I am cold and I freeze whenever a hand reaches out to me because I think it's him, and I know that's unfair but you have to understand that I can't help it. His fingerprints are permanently stamped on me branding me with the title of weak and easy. My body is no longer mine, it never has been, it's become a public space for those walking by and those behind a screen who imagine what my body looks like by just seeing my face and they wouldn't know self worth if it could be seen because they've stripped that from me.
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Letters In My Head
PoetryI will write letters in my head laced with blood and tears to create a sense of reality to fight my fears in a world that is broken and bruised, i've been misplaced. Some topics covered in my poems might cause distress so please read at your own ri...
