Letters In My Head

Fairytale

My nan used to tell me fairytales about princesses and princes, kings and queens, fairies and frogs sat on lillypads alongside the river stream where the water would move in harmony with the wind and the rain would tap the leaves gently night and day. Where the rocks would provide stepping stones for the angels that rarely really came to the surface but when they did they made sure to leave ripples in the water with dainty hands and ballet moves that provided only light touches. A little trust and a little pixie dust is all that they needed. My nan would tell me that when an angel was near a Robin would appear only when things were far from right and I needed a little extra will to fight the bird shall fly down and be sure to land in my sight.

As I grew older, fairytales seemed to move further and further away from me and the things I used to believe in escaped me quickly, my days faded alot. I continued to watch the water as I sat alongside the pond, looking out for the lilly pads and the frogs. The wind was a little heavier then I was used to, it was new. However the demons in my head wreaked havoc on my soul breaking it down as people took it apart but it's okay because I could put it back together.

Eighteen year old me is so far from who I expected to be, as a seven year old looking up to the princesses that sang with the birds idolising nature in all its beauty, keeping an eye out for the detail whilst noticing the small things to keep me grounded and collecting survival techniques, similar to the frogs collecting lilly pads and the plants that grew out of the dirt that people would walk along, but it reminded me of where I started so I replanted them and as the sun glazed on the water the ripples began to move with the light winds and dancing leaves.

I sat and cried for a while, hope seemed to be slipping through my fingertips like sand as I gazed at the land with the frogs leaping to and from the grass to the water. I may be breaking but I am not broken.

There was a storm coming, just further down, the water became angry and the wind became hectic, the lightning struck the tree just by the lillypads and stepping stones, the clouds are a little greyer now and i'm sat in the midst of it. Thunder roared as I hugged my knees, not really knowing what I could see but hearing the water hitting the rocks rapidly was enough to worry me.

Time was passing quicker as the years progressed on and my fairytale was coming to an end, with hopelessness becoming my new best friend with rough handprints left along my skin, sticking onto me like red paint but no one else could see the painting that had become of me because the colours weren't pretty.

Just as I began to give in to the heavy winds, leaving to find shelter elsewhere, not quite knowing where elsewhere was but it was anywhere but here I guessed, a Robin appeared and the clouds began to clear as the water calmed down returning to a stream and I saw the frogs leap from underwater onto the lillypads by the plants id replanted alongside the rough edges of the pavement, grass had began to grow between the concrete that a thousand feet would have walked alone, including my own, and on the branch just above my head the Robin had found a home within the tree, the lasting leaves were moving steadily with the wind again and the sun had began to shine slowly through the cotton clouds just between the gaps.

I thought back to what my nan said, about angels being near, I know theres nothing to fear, because anything that life throws my way I know I can clear the skies if they turn grey and replace the darkness with stars if the sun becomes impossible to find maybe I can share my stars with someone to make sure they are doing okay and help guide their way.