chasing an illusion - pipabeth

6- quiet and cold

p: hey annabeth, it's piper

p: do you wanna go for drinks?

it's been approximately a week since the night of the concert. she had left me to stew in my own thoughts for six days. i focused on work. i tried to hang out with my friends. i spoke on the phone with my dad. i stuck to my schedule. i lived life as normal as i could live it. on the surface, order. under a few layers, chaos.

and now she texts me and wants to go for drinks.

a: when?

p: tonight

i think about it. today is friday. if i end up staying up late, at least the next morning will be a saturday- bro day with percy. no work to be done that day.

a: okay, drinks it is

p: fuck yeah!

p: can't waittt

i put my phone down and go back to work, my ears buzzing. i feel strange, working as though nothing was wrong.

"well, she's gone," i muttered to myself. "what now?"

it was the night after she had moved. the sky was raining a quiet and gentle rain. the black pavement outside was slick with water, glossy and reflecting the yellow streetlights. i half wished to see piper standing there below like she did last night, calling out my name. her shirt and hair slowly growing damp with the rain. telling me that she wasn't leaving. telling me that she would never leave.

but thoughts like that are what gets me into this type of trouble. i try to push them aside.

she's probably long gone by now. she's probably already there in california. i wonder if she's thinking about me as much as i am about her. god, i fucking hope so. i hope she's hurting as much as i am. it's a selfish, prideful thought, but it's genuine. the world isn't fair. if we hurt, we hurt together.

before she left, she suggested that we exchange numbers. she said she'd call every night. text me every morning.

"you're never coming back, are you?" i asked.

she shook her head sadly.

"then there is no point,"

no point because these long distance things don't work. eventually, she will adjust to l.a. and talking to me will become a chore. i'll hear her become disinterested slowly over the phone as her new life excites her. i won't be able to relate to her anymore. eventually, our calls will become less frequent. eventually, we'll just stop. and it'll hurt me the whole way through.

no, easier to hurt for a night than hurt for an eternity like that.

"maybe for the best, i guess," piper replies sadly.

i sigh and close the blinds. i crawl into bed and pull the comforter over me. i stare at the ceiling, mapping out my game plan.

tomorrow, i'll return all my romance books to the library. i'll go back to working on the summer reading assignment i had let piper distract me from. i'll go for a run in the morning on the way to the library. i'll call my friends and tell them nothing about what happened. we'll just watch legally blonde and throw popcorn at eachother.

i close my eyes and try to forget piper mclean. i abandon all love the same place i found it- outside the bedroom window. i don't cry. i just listen to the sky do it for me as i turn my thoughts over and over again in my head. they thrash and writhe in there, constantly churning. why should i let myself be caught up in this? it was just an almost romance. a not-quite-there. that was the worst part. it wasn't even real enough for me to mourn properly. i close my eyes and stare at the darkness under them. it rains all night and i lie awake, listening to it.