chasing an illusion - pipabeth

9- pretty

"you look amazing, love," the photographer says. "tilt your head up a little more."

piper does as he says, tilting her head up and gazing her eyes down at the camera. a gaze that would burn me. i want to look away, but i can't. i keep watching her.

percy texts me on my phone.

p.j: initiate plan a.b.p!!!
p.j: it stands for annabeth bones piper
p.j: thought of it myself just now
p.j: ooh, give her your jacket if she looks cold!!! girls love that!!!

a: good god
a: please stop
a: i regret ever telling you about this or involving you in any way

p.j: ;)

"let's get a profile shot, turn to your left," the photographer says. piper shifts her body and her face to the side. "look here," piper's eyes land on the camera. "gorgeous,"

i have never seen piper this way. in front of camera's with a face full of makeup. it's not even the makeup that throws me off, but a difference in her appearance and behavior was apparent. she hadn't said a word the whole time. only posing and looking and gazing into cameras. her body moves in ways that i can't understand. the way she lays her hands or arches her back or tilts her head. it's as if she flipped a switch in her mind and became a different entity. channeling something glamorous and photogenic. she just does it naturally: pose and look at the camera the way she is told. she doesn't smile. unless the photographer tells her to.

she is a perfect doll. to be dressed up and posed.

poised perfect and pretty.

she does not seem to dislike it or like it. she just does it.

"that's a wrap. great job, piper," the photographer says finally. "looks amazing."

piper stands up from the stool that was her prop. she walks straight towards me. the cameras are off she's her normal self again.

"sorry, that must have been incredibly boring. we'll go right after i change." piper says to me. i shrug.

"it wasn't too boring." i say. it was captivating. i don't say it though.

piper smiles. her glossed lips and teeth dazzle me. not in a camera way. just in a piper way. it's almost like that night six years ago. i try to blink away those feelings. piper leaves to go change.

afterwards, we jump in a cab and piper decides we should go shopping.

"i need new york clothes. i didn't bring a lot and my l.a. junk doesn't fit the climate here." piper tells me. "i'll buy you stuff if you want."

i'm not interested in buying new things. a lot of the things i own are bought online. once i find an item or brand i like, i just order it again online in the same size because i know the brand's reliable. shopping's never been my thing.

"sure, let's go. don't buy me anything, though," i say in spite of myself. i think i could go just about anywhere with piper without complaint. that thought worries me.

piper grabs my hand and leads me into the mall. her fingers wrap around mine. i feel dizzy just by her touch and the warmth of it. i'm always very cold.

"i used to hate shopping." piper tells me as we browse the windows of fancy stores and boutiques. "i would be forced to go and look at expensive designer shit all the time and i despised it. when you're young, you hate anything you're forced to do. i didn't want to like shopping. it felt girly and weak. as if i was giving in to what people wanted me to be. hated posing for pictures. wearing makeup and fancy clothes."

i hate all those things, i thought.

"but i guess i've grown to like those things again. i realized that they aren't so bad. that being feminine isn't a bad thing. it just is. i don't have to be this way nor do i have to be any other way. i don't have to be girly or not girly. i can just be." she goes on. "sorry, i'm babbling. this would look cute on you."

she shows me a spaghetti-strap dress made of red silk. i try to imagine myself in it. it would hug the curves and drape over the body.

i look around me at all the pretty girls, looking through racks. they're all stylish and pretty like piper. i feel out of place. i'm used to wearing drab work clothes and dull colors. this is totally why i shop online.

"i don't think i'm pretty enough to wear any of this," i say. i feel the fabric of the dress on the hanger. it's smooth. i admit it's a pretty dress. but i'm not really made for pretty dresses. i wish i was.

"you would look amazing in that, annabeth." piper says. "it's only true if you believe it. it's all up here," she pokes me forehead.

"easy to say when you're pretty." i mumble.

"i didn't always feel pretty." piper says. "annabeth, i think you're so pretty. but it doesn't matter if i do of you don't feel that way. it's all psychological. doesn't matter what you wear. if you believe it, you see yourself in a new light." she says. "i'm gonna buy this for you and you can choose to wear it if you want, but only if you want. you can't stop me."

i laugh. she laughs back and the bright lights in the store reflect off her lipgloss.

she said i was pretty. despite it all, my face warms.

by the end of the day, piper somehow got me to let her buy me the dress that i said i wasn't pretty enough for and other clothes that i would never pick for myself.

"i just want people to take me seriously, you know?" i say as we stand in the check out line. "no one ever took girls that were girly seriously. i always despised being blonde. i didn't want to be a dumb blonde archetype."

"annie, you don't have to be anything anyone says. you don't behave to prove anything to them by being the opposite. there is nothing more dangerous than a woman who knows herself and knows her own worth." piper responds. "nothing."