I haven't written in this book in a while as you can tell, but I've needed time to go over everything.
I wasn't aware of my emotions for a while, I never knew if I was happy or depressed.
But now I've realised I'm not happy. And I probably never will be happy.
I think it hurts to know that there's only around 2-4 people that actually care about me. But honestly, just having people care is enough.
I don't like to be humiliated or exposed, I don't like to answer the phone and I don't like to be told to do things I don't want to do. Don't order me to do those things if I don't want to.
I think that knowing some people pick the nastiest forms of humanity over you just breaks you down inside. I don't understand why people don't like people that mind their own business and stay out of trouble. It's almost as if I'm the bad one.
I've given up with getting help because whenever I need it the most nobody will respond for 3+ hours. I know that they have lives but I rarely ask for help you know.
There's been this overwhelming pain just rush over my body recently, I don't like it.
Sometimes being left alone is dangerous but I would do ANYTHING just to be alone for the rest of my life.
Will I end things soon? I don't know.
I've decided to stay throughout 2019 to see if it can get any better but I'm not sure if it will.
I've just come to the conclusion that if I ever need help I will confide in this book and to whoever is reading it.
It hurts to not be aware of your emotions but I'm not so sure if it hurts even more to know what they are.
