i hate these mixed emotions
i can go from bawling my eyes out to being a fucking idiot and dancing around in a matter of minutes.
i overthink things i suppose
i've almost gotten rid of everything that brings memories or negativity out of my life
not necessarily because i need to
it's just an excuse to think about those things one last time
i wish i had someone that understood the same far as me
because nobody does
all everyone does is tell you the same thing over and over
'it will get better' my ass
it's not getting any better
honestly i'm having a mental breakdown
everything going on in my life has spiralled out of control and i have nothing to destroy that pain with
i don't do the basic things such as smoking or drinking or doing drugs
there's no point in fucking up my body even more than it already is
so i just sit there
no emotions
just tears running down my face
they're cold but im used to it
im used to this sadness
nothing gets better
but with my mind
happiness means the same as sadness
