Spark Into a Flame

Lin

My kid was struggling and I didn't know how to make it stop. She'd gone through rough times before but never like this. Never becoming so apathetic that she no longer wanted to even do soccer. She'd been playing since she was five.

Pippa somehow convinced her to go to the doctor and I was grateful. She made her an appointment after school Wednesday. As we'd suspected she'd lost weight - seven pounds since her last check up. The doctor officially diagnosed her with depression and prescribed her Fluoxetine. It wouldn't kick in immediately so her doctor encouraged her to try to stay active because it would release endorphins. I checked on her that evening.

"Maybe I could call your coach," I suggested, seated at her desk chair. "Get you back on the team."

"Dad, I'd look pathetic to come crawling back," she argued. "They don't need me."

"Sure they do," I told her. "Don't you miss it? Miss your teammates?"

Some of the girls on the team she'd known since kindergarten. They were tight but I hadn't seen any of them in weeks.

"Sometimes," she admitted reluctantly. I stood and kissed her forehead.

"We've gotta get you out of this slump, kid," I told her. "But you've gotta help yourself. Will you let me call?"

"Fine," she grumbled. That gave me a wave of hope. If we could get her active and around friends again that would do her a world of good.

The next morning I called up her coach and ended up having an extended conversation with him about Joey. Before she'd quit she'd gotten pretty lethargic and got snappy at times. We agreed she hadn't been herself. I filled him in that we'd taken her to the doctor and she'd hopefully be on more of an upswing in the coming weeks. He'd be happy to let her back on the team but she'd have to prove herself again to get into the starting line up. I thought that sounded fair.

With Joey on our minds we had maybe been neglecting Alex and Jack a bit. Alex hadn't brought up going to her grandparents' lately but they were due to spend the weekend there this coming Friday. We anticipated some push back from her Sunday when they were dropped off.

Every morning I set out Joey's pill with her breakfast and watched her put it in her mouth. The doctor said it could take up to six weeks to get it built up in her system. That seemed like forever. I needed her to hold on just a little longer.

On Sunday, their grandparents brought Alex and Jack home around 3:00. Alex seemed in good spirits, climbing all over her grandfather and giggling. They spend a few minutes there with us, having a cup of coffee as we all caught up. They were really good people and I could see why Alex and Jack loved them so much.

Inevitably, the time came when they had to say goodbye. It was like a switch went off inside Alex.

"Noooooo!!!" she immediately started begging, pulling on her grandmother's arm. Jennifer and I made eye contact for a moment, both of us concerned.

"I know it's hard to say goodbye," Jennifer acknowledged, scooping her up. She lovingly brushed some hair away from Alex's face. "But we have to get home."

"Don't leave me," she said sorrowfully, burying her face in her shoulder. "Take me back with you."

"This is your home sweetheart," she said gently, rubbing circles on her back.

"No it isn't!" she protested loudly. "They're not my family!"

Jennifer didn't seem to know what to say. I stepped forward and gently rubbed at Alex's back.

"Baby, Grandma has to go," I reminded her gently. "But remember next summer you'll get so spend a whole month with her."

We'd recently decided to let the kids go stay for a month during the summer. The kids would love it and it would give us a little break too.

Alex started to cry, holding on to her grandmother. They seemed especially close. I saw Jennifer look to me for help after a couple minutes so I stepped forward again, reaching under Alex's armpits to take her away. As soon as she felt my hands she screamed.

Jennifer tried to reassure her gently as I regretfully pried her away. She kicked and cried and finally I had her. Jennifer blew her a kiss, tears in her eyes, and they made a quick exit. It was better that way even though it was hard.

Alex was screaming bloody murder, kicking and screaming until I finally put her down. She immediately ran for the door, which Pippa had just locked. Alex was fast, though, and had already turned the bolt. I dashed to the door and pushed it closed, holding it there with my hand as she pulled at the knob with all her might.

"Let me go!!" she screamed, then turned to push at my legs. It broke my heart to see her filled with this much anguish. She wanted her grandparents badly. I looked at Pippa, helpless. She walked over and tugged her away. Alex allowed Pippa to pick her up and she sobbed in her arms.

"Ssshhhh..." she tried to soothe her as she walked to the couch. Alex sobbed and hiccuped as Pippa held her. I went to the kitchen to fill up a sippy cup with water and grabbed some Teddy Grahams. I sat with them as Alex cried out her emotions.

Once she'd finally calmed down a bit I lovingly stroked her hair. "Here, sweet pea," I held out the water. "Take a drink."

She took it and gulped down quite a bit. Pippa readjusted her in her lap so her legs draped to the side. I set the bowl of Teddy Grahams in her lap as Jack climbed into mine. He cuddled into me and I was grateful.

"Awex, can I pwease have a Teddy Graham?" he asked his sister politely. She nodded and held out the bowl. Jack smiled widely as he took a little handful. I kissed his head as he began munching.

"Don't worry," he said. "Grandma and Grandpa will be back. They promised."

Alex examined a Teddy Graham in her fingers and let out a little sigh through her nose. "So did Mommy and Daddy."