Spark Into a Flame

Joey

I laughed, actually laughed, along with my friends as we annoyed the rest of the customers at Nick's Pizza.  After our win, I certainly didn't feel like going home and seeing Elliott.  I can't believe Dad had called him and asked him to come home.  He told me Pippa was really struggling and that she missed Elliott a lot.  Seeing him would lift her spirits.  But didn't it matter that it would break mine?

He was home, but that didn't mean I had to be there.  Maybe I was finally starting to get over him and I didn't need the physical reminder of his face in our kitchen.  I'd dreaded that moment.  Seeing him again.  We'd locked eyes for a second and, I don't know, there was this mixture of emotion in his eyes.  Love, regret, guilt, awkwardness...

I'd steeled myself before I'd left my room, knowing he'd be there, but it was still a difficult moment.  Not many girls have to worry about getting their hearts broken and then being subjected to seeing that person in their own home.  I was a little envious of them.  At least they could go turtle away in their own houses and just wallow in their own self pity without hearing the voice of the very person who'd broken their hearts.

I'd made a quick exit, not at all wanting to have a conversation with him or even say hi.  Once I was out the door I forced myself to busy my mind with other things.  On the subway I listened to a podcast and played Angry Birds.  Still, he crept into my mind.  Why couldn't I banish him?

Dad came to the game with Alex.  I always told him he didn't need to come.  I'm sure it was boring watching game after game for as many years as he'd been coming.  He'd rarely missed a game since I started at age five.  It was actually a bit comforting that he insisted on being there, even when I told him not to bother.  I knew my dad loved me to the ends of the earth and at times like this it was nice for the reminder.  Even though I didn't like to admit it.

After the game, some of the girls said they were going out for pizza which would continue with just hanging out wherever.  I heard talk of more gummy bears.  Last night had felt great.  I'd eaten one gummy bear and it had taken off the edge.  It relaxed me.  I knew I was underage still and it wasn't exactly legal in New York yet, but was other places.  It couldn't be that bad if it was getting legalized.

I wasn't stupid.  It's not like I was going to eat five gummy bears at once and go off the deep end.  I'd heard stories of people taking too much and having to go to the hospital to get treated.  I would never do something that idiotic.  As far as I was concerned, if I could do it in moderation and was careful there wasn't much wrong with it.  I'd never been a goody two-shoes by any means.  Besides, I wouldn't be surprised if my dad had done weed at some point.  It's not like he could talk to me about it being dangerous when he'd done it himself.

As the last piece of pizza was devoured, Leah pulled out another little bag discreetly.  Everyone took two and so did I this time.  With my reaction last night I was pretty sure my body would be able to handle it.

The manager made us leave so we headed out and found a Starbucks nearby, where we all ordered iced drinks.  We headed into Central Park and found a big open space where we could just sip our drinks and hang out.  After about half an hour I felt the gummy bears kicking in again.  I relaxed, letting my head rest in Abby's lap.

The evening was spent walking around, meeting up with boys and listening to music.  We laughed and talked and it was just what I needed.

"You seem like more yourself," Leah commented towards the end of the night.  "Like, happier."

"Yeah?" I asked.  "I think the gummy bears helped.  My parents think I'm depressed so they put me on some kind of meds that made me all nauseous.  It was awful.  The weed actually helps."