Spark Into a Flame

Joey

I heard my name being called as I sat, curled up in the back row of one of the cabs.  Surely it was someone else being called because no one even knew where I was.  I'd booked my ticket in the middle of the night, probably when everyone was still fast asleep.  I sighed and let my head rest against the window, closing my eyes.

The voice got louder and it was beginning to sound more familiar.  It had a distinct Puerto Rican accent.

"Josephine?" it called.  "Joey?"

Confused, I picked my head up and was completely floored to see my abuelo walking through the aisle, searching the faces.  His eyebrows downturned with concern, he seemed to be getting more frantic.  As he neared me, I let out a croak.  "Abuelo?"

Relief flushed over his face as his eyes met mine.  "Josephine!" he exclaimed, drawing looks from the passengers around us.  My heart pounded, not conceiving that I would ever feel relieved for my grandfather to hunt me down on a train to Chicago.  Why would I be relieved?  I needed to get the hell out of New York City.

Before I knew it, I'd been enveloped in his arms as he mumbled relief in Spanish.  His body was shaking and I immediately felt awful for what I must have put him through.  I hugged him back tightly as tears began to escape from my eyes.  He pulled back and cupped my face in his weathered hands.

"Oh, Joey," he looked at me sympathetically and with so much love in his eyes.  "You don't ever need to run away from us."

"I'm sorry," I choked out, pawing at my eyes.  I hated crying in public.  Abuelo stood up and cupped his hands over his mouth.  "Lin!  Lin, come quick!"

My heart dropped a little, realizing my dad was with him.  Abuelo gently pulled me to my feet as I heard quick footsteps approaching.  Dad was going to be pissed at me.  I'd taken off in the middle of the night without telling anyone.  I'd put everyone through hell.

Dad's face was hopeful but still somehow scared as he finally caught sight of me.  He stared at me for a moment, taking in that it was really me it seemed, before pulling me into the tightest hug ever.  He didn't let go and I could sense he was crying with relief.  Dad had always been more emotional than other dads.

Finally, he pulled away and looked at me, tears in his eyes, as he tucked some hair behind my ear.  "Let's go home."

Suddenly, I desperately wanted to go home as well.  To be with Dad, Pippa, Alex and Jack.  Maybe not Elliott yet, but maybe that would come with time.  Dad took my hand and Abuelo grabbed the few belongings I'd brought with me - a sweater and my backpack.  My feet froze for a moment, but Dad gently tugged me along just as the conductor was calling, "All aboard!".

We ducked out of the nearest exit and we all walked to a nearby bench.  I watched the train pull out of the station without me.  Dad and Abuelo sat on either side of me, Dad still holding my hand as his other rubbed at my upper back.

"You're safe now," he reassured me as I stared at the platform in front of me.  Funny; I hadn't felt unsafe up until now but I was feeling a wave of relief.  I know I liked to act like I was grown up, but I was still a kid.  I still needed my parents.  The fact that I'd taken off across country seemed completely idiotic right now.  I felt ashamed and embarrassed.

"I, uh..." I said shakily, withdrawing my hand from Dad's.  "I need to run to the bathroom."

They seemed a little surprised, but they let me stand.  My eyes darted around, trying to make sense of what I was feeling.  Relieved, angry with myself, wanting to just curl up into a ball.  My feet started rushing me towards the bathroom sign.  I ran inside and headed for the farthest stall, locking myself inside.  I plopped on the edge of the toilet seat and put my head in my hands.  The tears started coming and my body shook with all my feelings.