Spark Into a Flame

Pippa

Lin had come home yesterday sans Joey, to my surprise.  She'd wanted to go on to be with her mother for a while.  We all knew she and Clarita didn't get along so it confused me as to why she'd chosen to keep going and for Lin to allow it.  However, I didn't ask questions when he'd returned because we were still on egg shells.

Our wedding was weeks away and there were still details to work out.  Details I was stressed about but didn't want to bother Lin with.  I knew he was still miffed with me.  Of course I cared for Joey like she was my own child, but there was a certain point when we needed to stop, rest and regroup.  We had two small children at home.  Joey hadn't wanted to be found.  Sure, I was scared, but I also knew Joey had a good head on her shoulders.  She'd wanted to go to Chicago and there was nothing that would have stopped her.  Searching for her all night may have made Lin feel better, but it wouldn't have made any difference.  She'd already been on the train heading west.

I put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher as Lin watched a show with Jack and Elliott, home for a few days from college, sat with Alex to finish her school project.  He was so patient with her.

"Good job," he praised her, as she finished writing Lin's name on one of two trees.  Alex had settled on making one tree for her birth family and one for her adopted family.  It had been a good solution for her recent emotions about family.  "Now we need to write his birthday."

"Lin!" she called to him from the couch.

"Yep?" he turned his head.

"When's your birthday?"

"January 16th, 1980," he called back.  I smirked as she stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth and carefully wrote the date down.  Elliott patiently guided her to add my name, along with the four children in the house.  Soon, she was done adding the names and dates and just needed to add some color and decoration.  Elliott suggested they take a break, but surprisingly Alex wanted to push on. 

Jack cackled from the couch as Lin stood up, flying him above his head.  "I'm higher than you!" he exclaimed as Lin walked over to the table.  He chuckled as he balanced our son, then tucked him closely to his side as they looked at Alex's project.

"This is looking good," he praised her, and she grinned up at him.  Alex had been much more level-headed lately.  We tried to get her and Jack together with their grandparents once a week now because we realized how important it was.  I walked over to stand behind Elliott, letting my hands rest on his shoulders.

"Time for a nap for this one," Lin announced a few moments later.  Jack groaned and made himself go boneless in Lin's arms.

"Yeeeessss," Lin teased, gently swinging him around and tickling him under his chin.  Jack giggled and pulled his body back up.

"I can take him," I offered, still feeling like I was on Lin's bad side.  His eyes finally met mine.

"S'okay," he told me, kissing my cheek.  "I've got him."

His eyes were kind, but I could still sense some resentment.  I knew he was also upset that Joey had chosen to go with her mother.  Lin put on a face for the kids, but he wasn't in a good place. 

I nodded and Lin disappeared down the hall with Jack chattering.  Elliott and Alex got up, ready to take a break and watch a little TV.  It seemed I wasn't needed so I disappeared down the hallway to my bedroom.  I let out a tired sigh as I laid back.  I picked up the book I'd been reading and tried to get into it.  After five minutes of reading the same page, I tossed it back on the bedside table and scrubbed my hands over my face.

The door opened and Lin walked in, heading to the bathroom.  I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, staring at the floor.  A minute later, he came out and looked over at me.

"Can we talk?" I asked hesitantly, afraid he might blow me off.  He tucked his hands in his pockets and bit his lip a little.  Our eyes met and my breath hitched a moment.

"Lin..." I started, then stopped again.  "I can tell you're still upset."

"You gave up looking for my daughter," he reminded me bluntly, his face serious.

"Lin, she's almost an adult," I reminded him.

"But she's not," he interjected.

"You've raised her well and I knew she wouldn't do anything stupid," I said, standing up.  My arms instinctively wrapped around my body as I took a couple steps forward.  "She was already on a train to Chicago."

"We didn't know that at the time," Lin said.  "She could've been laying in an alley for all we knew.  She's a teenager living in New York City.  Of course I was scared out of my mind and wasn't going to stop until I found her."

I closed my eyes, knowing I seemed heartless.  I wasn't convincing him.  "I was scared too," I said, my eyes searching his face.  "But we're not the police.  They have resources we don't, communications across the country."

"They're not her father," he said, his arms crossed. We heard running in the hallway and an argument starting between our two youngest. We locked eyes momentarily.

"I...I don't know what else to say, Lin," I admitted, crossing my arms protectively around myself.

"Stoooooop!!" we heard Alex yell from the living room. The situation needed to be triaged.

Lin torqued his jaw side to side, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I know," he said simply, meeting my wet eyes before he walked away. I sat on the bed, letting out a croak. I'd never wanted to hurt Lin. Or Joey. They both meant the world to me. But had a screwed things up so badly between us that the damage was irreparable?

I fingered my engagement ring, the sparkle of it blurred by my tears. How was I going to make this right?

A/N: shout out to @vballr147 for letting me bounce around ideas!